First Love

How does one regain the passion and zeal for the Lord of years past? This has been my question lately as I have realized that my love for the Lord doesn't have the fervor it once did. I still love the Lord and desire to follow Him, but He feels incredibly distant and has for awhile.

One of the biggest dilemmas I find is that I dislike much of what the organized church has become and I don't want to associate myself with that image. As a result, I find myself in conflict over what is a true and a genuine representation of living for the Lord, and what is simply playing church. Church in general has become so cliche'. Jesus was real and genuine. Somewhere we've gotten off track. So how do we take hold of the truths of Scripture for all of their depth and power and truth, in spite of the fact that so many of these truths have been diminished by the flippant and off-handed use of them? I guess what it boils down to for me is separating the religion from my relationship with God. I hate religion and nothing seems more irrelevant to me and to the culture we live in than religion.

How do I take hold of the truth of Who God is, when so many that claim to speak for Him misrepresent Him? It's hard to make this separation! I want to be alive with passion for God and for His will!! But I want that to be more than saying the right things, going to church, singing in the choir, following a list of dos and don'ts! I don't want to be part of a club! I want a living and vibrant relationship with God!!! What does that look like and how do I get there?

Time for a Change

I've decided that I am a short hair kind of gal. Long hair is first of all way too much work. It is secondly far too hot for the state of Texas. And lastly, believe it or not, it's just too heavy to carry around on this long neck. So after being inspired by conversation with my sister, I decided to get my hair cut today. She did too, by the way! Smile!! Yippy!!! I feel cute again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grateful

Yesterday a good friend put up two ceiling fans in our apartment. I'm so incredibly grateful!!! Our place is already much more comfortable and last night we had the air-conditioning up 5 degrees warmer and we slept great! Thank goodness for people with talents different from mine who can do those things I can't!! Thank goodness for lower electric bills!!! I'm claiming it in advance!!!!!!

Domestic Goddess

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog. A lot has been going on, but I think the reason I haven't written is that I didn't have anything ready to say. All sorts of thoughts have been swirling around in my head, but none were ready to come out.

Summer is here in the grand state of Texas and it's already pretty HOT! I think I notice it more this year for two reasons. One, I'm not freezing my butt of in a refrigerated office, and two, I'm out in the great outdoors more frequently to take the dogs out. Needless to say, it's HOT and it's great and I'm glad to be here.

The dogs are wonderful. I think R. and I have finally adjusted to having them. Now I'm less paranoid and more just enjoying their cute little personalities and their company. And we're so glad we got both of them! Chewie is my little shadow. He follows me every time I leave the room. Chica is our little princess and always has an ecstatic greeting whenever we come home. We're glad to be doggy parents...now that the initial transition is past! Smile.

Personally I think it's safe to say that I'm in limbo. Every time I think I know what's next I realize that I'm not really sure. I certainly know that I want to sing and to sing my own songs! I wrote a new song for R. for his birthday and have been working on another one the last couple weeks. It's all about baby steps and one at a time at that. I've decided to start participating in our church choir this summer. Because summers are so busy and so many people travel, they're not having choir practice so it's a good time for me to get my feet wet without having such a big time commitment. I'm still thinking about school. I'd like to finish my BA even if it's just for the sake of having a degree. And I'm leaning more and more away from music when it comes to my degree. I know I don't want to study any more classical music and for a BA that's all that's really offered around here. So...limbo...I'm not sure where that leaves me.

OH, about the Domestic Goddess. That's me! I have a new title!! It's been a bit of a quandry lately to know what to tell people I meet when they ask me what I do. So thanks to one of Robert's co-workers, I've stolen his phrase and am using it for myself. I think it will come in handy. Our culture is so obsessed with what we do that the question comes up frequently.

So, there's an update of sorts. Overall, life is good. There's a contentment and quietness to this time even in the face of the questions and the unknown. And it's summer. For the first time in a long time I get to experience summer vacation! Alright!!!

First Night

We brought our new pups home on Saturday. It was a bit of a traumatic experience for all of us!! But, we all are adjusting quite well.

Saturday morning found us up earlier than normal and on the way to pick them up. As we were driving to Fuzzy Friends we received a phone call from them. They said the dogs had been given their vaccinations and Chica had a reaction so they took her to the vet. That totally freaked us out as we wondered if she was going to be okay. We arrived right in the middle of their big open house so there were people EVERYWHERE! We got Chewie and hung around a bit until Chica came back. Come to find out it's not uncommon for a dog to react to a vaccine and we just had to give her Benadryl every four hours her first day home. Phew, that was a relief!

They've been really good and it's obvious they've lived in a house before and understand what 'no' means and that they should stay on their bed. Our first night was a little rough. They howled and barked all pickin' night long! Not much sleep to be had around here! But thankfully last night after the initial fussing, they slept soundly. We're not sure if they just figured it out, or if it was because we wore them out with a long walk!!!!

Overall I'm glad we got them, though I have to admit to moments when I wonder about our sanity!!! What were we thinking?!?!? But it's good for us and they needed a good home, so in the end we all win!!

Meet Our Fuzzy Friends

For my birthday R. decided to get me a puppy. We've been talking about it for awhile and now seemed a good time. So, we went to the Fuzzy Friends Animal Rescue last weekend to see if they had any small dogs. They did and we fell in love...with two of them!!! Surprise! So it's happy birthday to both of us since our birthdays are just four days apart! We get to pick them up this Saturday. Meet Chewie (the chocolate guy) and Chica!!!

An Overzealous Ticker

I went to the doctor last week for an earache. He said it was allergies and perscribed another allergy medicine in addition to the one I'm already taking. Well, starting Friday and then ever since, I've been having frequent heart palpitations. Monday found me back at the doctor to figure out what's going on. Thankfully my little heart performed its gymnastics and they were able to observe what's happening while I was hooked up to the EKG machine! I was concerned that it would be like going to the mechanic and your car simply won't act up for them to see the problem! But, they saw it.

Doc thinks it might just be overstimulated with my allergy meds in addition to drinking caffeine. So...I've been advised to quit all of those things. Needless to say, I'm a little on the sleepy side this week. I haven't had any caffeine today. Yesterday was half the caff. I'm really hoping that Doc is right and this is all it is. It's hard not to be anxious when it feels like my heart has done a flip in my chest!!! Please keep this is prayer! I don't want anything serious to be wrong with me!!!

Dare to Dream

I've been giving a lot of thought in the past couple months to what I want to do with my life, particularly the next step. At the forefront of this contemplation has been the question, "What is my dream"? It was a scary realization to find that I didn't know. If given a chance to do anything I wanted without any concern for money or time, I had no idea what I would do.

There's a Proverb that says something like, "for lack of vision the people perish". I don't know that I completely grasp the significance of this verse, but to some extent I can understand through my own situation. It's discouraging at the least to lack any vision for the future; to have no goals and no sense of purpose.

I'm not posting this to say that I have it figured out now and I know what I'm going to do. But I have rediscovered a dream that I buried a long time ago. Since I was very young I have wanted to be a recording artist and share my songs to whoever wanted to listen. This desire has always been there, but being the practical person I am, I gave up on it because I thought I had to pursue a more reliable career instead. I gave up on my dream. I think at the root of my practicality was, and is, the fear that I will follow that dream only to fail. Fear of failure has paralyzed any movement toward making this dream a reality.

I still don't know how to get there. The nuts and bolts of becoming a recording artist still escape me. However, the dream is reawakening, thanks in large part to my husband who's my biggest fan. So I'm gonna try. It may be really slow going, but I want to follow this dream even though it scares me to death!

Temping

There is something to be said for temp jobs! I'm temping today for the university where I was once employed. It's just a one day job and all I have to do is answer the phone and then whatever I want as long as I hold down the fort. The best thing besides getting paid to read, is that whatever I do, I'm the life-saver that helped them out of a bind. I'm the good guy, 'cause nobody expects me to know what I'm doing! NO pressure! ZERO! It's splendid! I wish every job would have the freedom to do my best and have that actually be enough! Because it has certainly been my experience that the worst part about most jobs is the boss or the supervisor that always seems to demand a little something more. I think it's a control thing! So, yay for temporary!!!!!!

Just Saying Hello

So...I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog lately. I think it has something to do with not sitting at a computer 8 hours a day. (Hallelujah!) And, something else to do with the phase I'm in right now. Lots of processing and defragmentation going on these days. I'm getting a better picture of what's next for me...but you'll have to wait to find out! smile. All in all, life is wonderful and I'm so thankful for all the blessings God has given to us! It's far more than I deserve!!!!

Blessings!

Too Precious for Words

This is R. and the precious bundle belongs to friends of ours who are also a mixed couple. Holding that sweet little miss was a little taste of how sweet it will be to be a parent.

Growth

I don't often recognize growth as it is happening, but looking back over the past few weeks, it is evident in me. I suppose this is true in much of life. One can see that a tree grows taller and yet not be witness to the actual growing of the tree. The Lord can be such a gentle gardener! Though I'm sure that I'm not aware of all the Lord has been doing in me, I can see that my heart has softened and that my concern about what people think of me has diminished. There is a stillness in me that wasn't there before and I am thankful for the working of the Lord. I still don't have a clear vision about what He has for me, but I see how important this time is and that there is much value in my care of our home and my sweet husband.

It's funny to think that in generations past it was the norm for a wife to remain at home and care for the household. I was concerned that I would soon grow bored, but instead find that I'm far busier than I imagined. I'm all for progress and for women to have the option to pursue education and a career, but I think that even in the midst of that it is important to retain an appreciation for a simpler, less-spotlighted life. I'm learning that there is something to be said for the behind-the-scenes roles. They are no less important than those on center stage.

I don't know if this is where God has brought me, or if it's just a place along the way, but it has been good for me and I'm glad to experience this time. It has helped me to live in the now instead of always striving for what comes next. That's something I've prayed for for a long time.....

Winter Weather Advisory

It's Easter weekend and for the first time in 60 years...it's snowing! I was upstairs reading a book and thought there must be a mid-air bird fight with feathers flying, until the "feathers" kept coming and I realized it was actually snowing! (I have never seen nor heard of a mid-air bird fight, but we haven't had snow here but once in the two years I've lived here so that didn't initially enter my head as a possibility!) It's been coming down quite liberally with large flakes all afternoon. The grass has even turned white! Very strange.

R. and I are having a winter weather advisory this evening as well. I hate it when we argue and misunderstand each other! And I don't understand why it happens when we love each other so much! But it does, nonetheless! Needless to say, we're both a bit chilly this evening. Sigh. Did I mention that I HATE winter?!?!?

I've always been a delayed reactor.

It's been a couple of weeks since I learned that I wasn't accepted into the University's School of Music. I still have an unexplained peace and believe that the door was closed for a reason, but sadness has had a chance to catch up with me. Last week I sat at the piano and was surprised by the presence of tears as I started to sing.

Music is like a dear friend who has hurt me deeply. I value the friendship immensely and certainly will work to rebuild the relationship, but I'm not quite ready to move forward yet. The wound is too fresh and it will take time before I'm ready to trust again and put myself out there to be vulnerable.

Nevertheless I'm making progress. With the help and encouragement from my sweet husband, I'm beginning to understand what this time is about. One might say I'm on sabbatical to press in with the Lord in order to understand what He has for me; what He has purposed for my life's course. It's about learning not striving to DO, but simply to BE. Not an easy thing for a doer who doesn't like to sit still, but I know I need this.

What happens next? I have absolutely NO IDEA! And for perhaps the first time in my life, that's okay. I've wasted too much time living for the next thing. Now that there isn't a next thing in my sights, I find that I'm actually living today and finding joy in what is. And so I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the richness of all God is doing in me. I'm thankful for the most precious husband. I'm thankful for this time and chance to grow up in Christ; to know Him more deeply than ever before. Thank you, Jesus, for WHO You are and for WHO You have made me to be.........

People Pleasers Anonymous

Perhaps there should be a support group similiar in scope to AA for those of us who wrestle under the oppression of pleasing people. "I am a pleasaholic" would commence the arduous journey toward freedom from caring what other people think.

I am a people pleaser and I come by it honestly. I have observed this burden first-hand in my mom and grandma, and would venture to guess it can be traced back much farther than that. "But what will so and so think if we"...fill in the blank...buy this piece of furniture, go on that vacation, attend this church or school, wear this item of clothing, and on and on and on. I'm sure you can relate since this trait is not unique to my family.

Particularly in this season of my life, I realize how much thought I give to the opinions of others. And the incredibly odd thing about it is that those opinions I seem to be most worried about are not from those people who truly know and care about me, but about those on the fringes that ultimately have nothing to do with my life or have any legitimate say in what I do or don't do whatsoever!

Yesterday I read this verse in Gal. 1:10 (NRSV) "Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ." First of all, they were struggling with this same thing over 2,000 years ago! It's not new and it was just as debilitating then as it is now!!! Second, the very reality of being a servant of Christ is in direct contradiction to pleasing people. The fact that I love Jesus means the person I now am and the life I live is already out of favor. Now I'm not talking about the much-heard talk about "those people" in the world, "they", who don't like us Christians because.....etc. But think about it. If I truly lived in the fullness of who I am in Christ, of Who HE is, then it is impossible to please even fellow Christians. At some point, a choice or decision I make will step on somebody's toes or fly in the face of what culture, even Christian culture, has deemed acceptable.

I'm sure that I'm not making complete sense since I hardly grasp this concept in my own mind, but hang on with me! How to put this in words...... Take any one of the many characteristics of Christ as an example. Forgiveness. Consider the woman whose husband leaves her for another woman. She's left with three kids to take care of on a meager income and he can't even make it to the bank on time with the paltry sum he puts in whenever he feels like it. It's been years since he left.

Culture, even Christian culture, says "divorce him". "He committed adultery so you have Biblical grounds, what on earth are you waiting for?" "Do you really think he's going to change?" "It's time to move on!" But this woman continues to love her husband and would readily take him back if he would come. She is living the radical forgiveness of Christ. But pleasing people? No. Her friends and co-workers tease her about meeting someone new. Her mom and aunts and cousins try to pressure her to get a divorce. And yet she's pleasing God with her choice to remain faithful to the marriage vows she made. The decision that she made between herself and God, not at the pressure of anybody else.

It's my prayer that as I contemplate the next step for me regarding school and the future, that I will be set free from caring what other people think about what I do and that I will concern myself only with pleasing the Lord. That might mean studying something contrary to someone else's opinion, or choosing not to return to school at all. Whatever it is, I want to know that God is pleased with me and that I have been obedient to His will and purpose for my life.

Life is Beautiful!

Today is my last day as an HR Assistant!!!!! It is the end of the 8 to 5 grind and the beginning…of the rest of my life! Smile. I’m so excited to be leaving behind the endless monotony of mindless paperwork, a windowless office, a moody boss, and the confinement of spending every day glued to my computer screen. Of course, I will miss those co-workers that have become my friends, who have supported me through R’s Bar passing and job search! But, true friends remain even when circumstances change and so I’m not leaving them behind, really.

And now the beginning of the next adventure!! The thrill is in the unknown of what that will look like. My hope is that it includes song-writing, school, and in time, a sweet bundle of baby. Hurray for change and for God’s faithfulness and care for us!

Life is beautiful!

Ground to a Screeching Halt

I found out yesterday that I was NOT accepted into the music program here at the university. I haven’t received the official letter yet, but I inquired by e-mail to a woman I know who works in the department. I think I read her e-mail half a dozen times just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it. I still can hardly believe it! I wasn’t at all concerned about getting into the music school! I was more concerned about the size of the scholarship they would give me!

I haven’t really reacted emotionally yet, which is surprising because I’ve been emotional lately anyway. More surprising is that I almost feel relieved by the news, which only serves to flabbergast me more! While I don’t understand why I wasn’t accepted, I do have a peace that the Lord has a purpose in it. Perhaps He closed the door because there’s another door for me to walk through!

Meanwhile, “the plan” if I can call it that, is to still begin classes this summer, but to focus on my general courses until I know more. I think the hardest part is not knowing….anything……..about what I’m supposed to do now. Then again, it kind of feels good not to have everything so planned out. I never really wanted just a normal life, but to do great things for the Lord. Somewhere along the way I think I lost sight of that. Maybe this is a chance to gain new insight into what He has in store. It’s kind of exciting and scary all at the same time.

GRACE

So, I started this post with a vent about a co-worker that’s on my nerves, but then I realized how ungracious my words were and decided it was neither edifying nor beneficial. That got me thinking about GRACE and how little I extend to those who irritate me or are unkind. I realize there is a direct connection between love and grace. I’m much more willing to give grace to someone I love and have formed a friendship with. So, if I want to be a more gracious person, then I first must learn how to love people. And not just the people I like who are nice to me. Ugh. I’m gonna need a lot of help with this one!!

A Sigh of Relief

Saturday was my audition to get into the music program here. I arrived at the music building at 7:45am to sign in and fill out some paperwork. Then we all met together with the music faculty to hear a bit more about the school. A couple of seniors performed (amazingly!) a piece by Verdi from the opera workshop. I have to admit this was pretty intimidating right before an audition!! But, I was impressed and inspired as well!!! After this I warmed up, again, in a practice room, went over each of my pieces with the accompanist who was incredible, and then waited for my turn to come. I auditioned at 10:25am before eight faculty members. I'm so thankful this wasn't my first experience of this kind or I would have been totally discouraged! As is typical for this kind of thing, the "judges" remained impassive and showed no emotion during my performance. However, I feel good about the songs and think I did my best. Now I wait to hear what they thought of me!!! They said I should know their conclusion in a week to ten days. Meanwhile, I am totally relieved to have this over and done with!!!! Saturday following my audition was absolutely wonderful and relaxing!!! And a HUGE sigh of relief!!!

Out of the fog so to speak.

I’m contemplative this morning. I guess the words of a friend have started the juices flowing. I’m thinking about emotions and change and fear and the future, not necessarily in that order. Lately I have been obsessing about my upcoming audition and other changes taking place in the coming weeks. I hate that I get like this when I’m stressed about something. It’s almost as if I get tunnel vision and I forget that anything or anyone exists outside the bubble of what’s going on with me.

Yesterday I was praying for the salvation of a co-worker and realized how long it’s been since I looked outside myself and thought of the needs, the much bigger needs, of those around me. I wish I was more calm and collected and didn’t get so nervous about new or different things. But is anyone really as placid and serene as they appear, or do we all wrestle with emotions that choke out everything else? I suspect that we’re all very much the same deep inside.

In spite of the seemingly depressing thoughts, I’m actually quite encouraged today. It feels good to sort of wake up on the inside. I’m reminded of the Lord’s great love for us, His kids, and of the beauty of life and all it holds. There’s so much more He has for us that we don’t see! So much more! I want my heart to come alive in the light of this truth! In His presence….so much more!

Change

Change is wonderful and motivating and inspiring and I’m so thankful for it.........................and I’m totally worn out!! R. started his new job on Wednesday and it’s been a flurry of activity ever since! Little sleep and big change make for frazzled nerves and the grumps.

And……

Tomorrow is (gulp) one week from my audition. No wonder my stomach is all in knots!! I will be glad when it’s behind me even though I feel confident that it will go well. I’m just ready to be done with it and move on! I’m sure it doesn’t help my nerves that the flu is going around! And not the tummy flu, but the congestion and aches kind of flu. Everywhere I turn somebody has it and if I get it, singing will not be possible. Alas, that’s totally out of my control so I need to just let it go.

To top it all off is the upcoming transition in my own employment status. The transition is much anticipated but I’m not looking forward to breaking the news to the boss. AH! Wake me up when it’s over!!!!!

Thank goodness today is Friday!!!!!

This is why I like Texas..........

A Record to Break!

My grandparents just celebrated 60 years of marriage!!! In an age when marriage has become disposable, this is a record to be sure! And I’m thankful to have such a heritage! R and I are both blessed to have parents that have remained committed to each other over the years and I’m certain that is due at least in part to their parents. A living example!

But records are meant to be broken and so we intend to do just that! So we say, we’ll meet your 60 and raise it by 20!! Happy Anniversary Grandma & Grandpa!!!! You make us all proud!!

Gotta Brag Once in Awhile.....

I just have to brag on my sweet husband and the precious Valentine’s Day he gave me! It started with a single, red rose before we were even out of bed yesterday morning. Along with a kiss of course!! Then his gift to me was our wedding vows that he printed, framed and matted himself. They are now hanging on our living room wall! At lunch time, he showed up at work with a dozen red roses and a sweet note! After work…dinner at a restaurant we’ve wanted to try just off the river. And there’s more! We arrive home and I find a trail of rose petals leading up the stairs and vases of roses all over in our bedroom. To top off the evening we watched a sweet, romantic movie that he let me pick (The Lake House with Sandra Bullock…check it out, it’s great!). I feel like a princess and am so thankful for the precious husband God has given me! Marriage with him makes every day feel like Valentine’s Day.
A celebration of LOVE…………………….

Perfect Timing!

Not too early so that we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn the lessons in trust and experience deepened relationship with the Lord…….
Not too late so that we couldn’t pay the bills…….
The Lord provided the most ideal job for R. at just the right time! We’re so very thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness and provision!!!
Thank you to all of you who prayed for and encouraged us in the waiting! We are blessed indeed.

“I think He’s talking to ME!”

God has my number! It started with Thursday when I took a mental/emotional sick day off from work. I’ve been depressed lately with my impatience and concern about when and where R. will get a job and this depression has carried over in our marriage and my walk with the Lord and my whole outlook on life.

Thursday morning found me sitting on the couch with Bible in hand and much on my heart. In addition to feeling frustrated about waiting for a job to open up for R., I felt like I had somehow let the Lord down and that I had blown it by not being strong and confident in Him. My prayer was for the Lord to show me His grace! I immediately recalled the verse in Isaiah about waiting on the Lord and flying on wings like eagles. The significance to me, though, was in one of the preceding verses where it says,

“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and strengthens the powerless.” (Is. 40:28,29)

His understanding is unsearchable….He’s not angry with me! He doesn’t despise my weakness and frailty!! This and numerous other verses and time in worship helped to lift my spirits and encourage my heart.

Still, on Sunday morning I woke up overwhelmed that the weekend was almost over and there was so much yet to do before Monday rolled around. In retrospect I think that the devil was trying to discourage me from going to church and receiving a blessing!! In Sunday School we were talking about fear and how God despises fear because it separates us in our relationship with Him unlike anything else. That was one of those light-bulb moments for me when I connected the dots based on other familiar Scriptures. I’ll explain.

We are called to fear the Lord and told that this is the beginning of Wisdom. The Lord is the only One we are to fear because He is sovereign over all things. When we fear something that is under His control and dominion, we are exalting that person or situation as more powerful than God. That is why He cannot abide fear in our hearts.

Then fast-forward to the main service. Pastor was talking about trust and what hinders us from trusting the Lord, etc. A statement he made continues to roll around in my head. He said that if we’re looking for the “next thing” to make us happy, (whether that’s marriage, or a new job, or moving to a different location) then we’re not trusting the Lord and finding our happiness in Him and we have raised up that “next thing” as an idol in our hearts. Ouch. It’s true. And I’ve totally been doing that. I’ve been holding out for R. to find a job with the idea that then we’ll have “arrived” and everything will be wonderful and happy. I’ve made his job an idol in my heart. Ouch again.

Today I am thankful. The Lord has been ministering and speaking to my heart. Some of it is hard stuff, but there’s the underlying truth that He loves me so very much. He cares for me with the heart of a Father. That’s so much bigger than my weaknesses and frailty and happiness and employment. It’s all gonna be okay as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus.

“It will be said on that day,
Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, so that he might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” (Is. 25:9)

Real People...Real Stories

I waited on an Iranian student yesterday. He was polite and friendly, spoke English well, and was dressed like any other college guy. We hear so much today about Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, and the list goes on. The Middle East is a hot topic in the West. With all the talk, it’s easy to forget that within each of these countries are individuals very much like you and I. They have their own unique personalities, interests, talents, dreams, and hopes. They know what it is to fall in love, to rejoice at the birth of a child, to sorrow at the loss of a friend or family member. As children, they played make-believe, went to school, helped out with chores, and likely fought with their siblings. They’re real people with real faces and real stories.

Certainly we hear a lot about those in the Middle East who are terrorists and militants. Their motivation is hatred and they’re not above the murder of the innocent for their own cause and agenda. They’ve caught the public eye because their actions are public and eye-catching. But in the midst of those who are bent upon evil, is the father trying his best to provide for his family, the mother praying that the children will be sheltered from harm, the boy who wants only to play ball in the streets, the girl who doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed to visit her friends after school. They’re real people with real faces and real stories.

They could be me and you………….

Time to Regroup

Saturday was a nearly perfect day spent with my sweetheart. With all the stresses surrounding R’s job search, we realized we needed to take the time to focus on each other and regroup. So we left the television off and spent quality time together. We took a walk in the park, went for a drive, had time in the Word and worship, and just talked a lot about anything and everything. We needed that. It was good to focus on the wonderful blessing with have in each other, rather than putting all our attention on what we don’t have in employment. And we truly have much to be thankful for!!!!!

The Fixed Land

"As soon as you had taken away the Evil One," she said, " and I awoke from sleep, my mind was cleared. It is a wonder to me, Piebald, that for all those days you and I could have been so young. The reason for not yet living on the Fixed Land is now so plain. How could I wish to live there except because it was Fixed? And why should I desire the Fixed except to make sure - to be able on one day to command where I should be the next and what should happen to me? It was to reject the wave - to draw my hands out of Maleldil's, to say to Him, 'Not thus, but thus' - to put in our own power what times should roll towards us...as if you gathered fruits together to-day for to-morrow's eating instead of taking what came. That would have been cold love and feeble trust. And out of it how could we ever have climbed back into love and trust again?"
- Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis

I've been looking for the Fixed Land and wondering why we're not allowed to live there now. Instead of resting in the security of His faithful provision for each day, I've looked to command where we'll be and what will happen to us. Cold love and feeble trust....

Why is it so difficult to trust the One Who defines faithfulness; the One Who has never let us down at any point in our lives? I so want to trust and simply rest in His care, but it's difficult with the passage of time. All the same, I'm sure I'll look back on this struggle and wonder why I was so freaked out, when we finally see what He has for us. I do know it's all going to be alright and that this time of waiting serves a purpose for our good.

Lord, help us to be faithful as we wait upon You!!!!! You are our refuge and hope. We place our lives and our future in Your Hands. Please lead and guide us! Please illuminate the path so that our steps will be sure and without injury. Keep us in Your care. We look to You, Lord Jesus.

Hard Not to See

We continue to wait for news regarding employment for R. It’s been two weeks since his interview and so far we know nothing of the outcome, nor of any other doors for an attorney position. Meanwhile, the end of the month is almost here and that means the end of R’s current job.

Most days I feel at peace that the Lord is taking care of us. But there are times when anxiety rises up in me and I wonder how on earth we’re gonna pay our bills and if there really is a door that will open up for us before our savings runs out. I know the waiting is serving a purpose. I guess if I think about it as a servant, then it reminds me Who is the Master. It’s just hard sometimes not to see what’s coming or when.

Lord, give us strength to wait upon You and to trust!!

Ice Day

I’m told it only happens once every couple of years, but I was pretty glad to experience an ice day here in Texas. No one here knows how to drive in ice and slush so schools and businesses closed down for the day, which meant that R. and I enjoyed relaxing time in the comfort of our little home. We kept the fireplace stocked all day, watched a couple movies, baked muffins, took a nap. It was perfect! I don’t remember many snow days while growing up in the north. Since we home-schooled, it didn’t matter if the weather outside was nasty, the books were still available. Now I feel somehow recompensed for missing out on those days off! Smile. I could get used to a mid-week break!!!

Cold & Cloudy

It's cold and cloudy outside. At least it's not raining at the moment. Still, days like this make me feel unmotivated and somewhat blue. Of course, I don't really need to feel motivated on a Sunday, but I do hate this listlessness I feel nonetheless. I read a friend's blog today and it helped. It's encouraging to know that my feelings are common to humanity and not just my exclusive dysfuntion. We're all strugglers...at least on this side of eternity. All of us are lacking within ourselves. The beauty is that God loves us with full knowledge of our failures and sin. Thank goodness for His faithfulness and consistency. Check out my college buddy's blog and her entry for January 7th. It's good stuff!!
http://www.xanga.com/romanstwelvenine

In the midst

My heart is full this morning. As of right now nothing has changed in our situation and yet I am so thankful to be in this moment in time. R. and I talked last night and discovered that we both sense that God is doing good things in us as we wait and rely upon Him. Regardless of whether R. gets this job or not, it is apparent that whatever position he is placed in, it will not be as a result of his abilities or training, but from the Lord’s Hand. Pressing in to Jesus reminds me of the fullness to be found and known in Him and that the opening and closing of doors are for a greater purpose than just getting a good job. It’s about His glory and His kingdom. In the midst of the waiting and unknown there is peace in Jesus. He has it all in control.

A closed or open door?

Just over a week ago R. woke up and told me that he’d just had a dream about a position he’d applied for. In his dream he spoke with someone within the office regarding his application and was told that his application looked good and he didn’t need to do anything else to it. Also in the dream he received a letter stating that he would be contacted for an interview within the week.

Two days later R. received a phone call from this same office to set up an interview.

Yesterday was interview day. It lasted two hours and R. was pretty worn out when it was all over. He felt he answered their questions well and was true to who he is, yet he came away not really knowing what they thought of him. Still, it’s affirming to know that out of 100 applicants, he was one of only 9 selected to interview and that he was recommended by people he didn’t even know knew he had applied for the job.

So now we wait again and trust the Lord to open the door He has for us. It could be this one, it could not, but I know there is a door and it will be opened. The Lord is faithful. We choose to trust Him.

Please keep praying………….

Freedom Writers - A Must See!

R. and I went to see "Freedom Writers" Saturday night in the theatre. It's an incredible true story that happened in the mid-to-late 90's about a white school teacher who impacts the lives of her inner-city students in a big way!! It was inspiring to see how one person could make such a difference. Go see it! It's great!
http://www.freedomwritersmovie.com/

Bottom Line

God has me here

at this place

on purpose

for a reason.

All He asks

is that I am faithful

and obedient.

Heartsick

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
– Proverbs 13:12

Yesterday I had to decline the financial aid offered to me that would have allowed me to attend Baylor full-time this semester. That combined with coming back to work after a wonderful break and time with family that was much anticipated, has resulted in discouragement and discontent in me. Although I know I have much to be thankful for, I’m having trouble shaking these feelings. I guess one could say my heart feels a little sick. Sigh. Please pray for me and for R. We could both use some encouragement and R. is still seeking an attorney position. Please pray a door will open soon.

Breathtaking!

We spent Christmas in Montana with my parents and sister. It was wonderful to be with them for the holidays and we were able to stay for an entire week. There’s something about going to the old home-place that brings me back in time as if I never left. Mom outdid herself with all sorts of luscious foods, including my favorite, rhubarb pie. Only Mom can make a proper rhubarb pie. Dad entertained us with British mysteries and skunked R. in a long game of board football. Sorry, sweetie. My sis (what can I say?) was her usual adorable self. It was great to be back!

Below are a few pictures. Ah, mountains! Only in the Northwest!

Mt. Ranier in WA from the airplane

R & M and the Mission Mountains

Sisters

A New Year...

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, they usually only last a couple months. However, the New Year does feel like a fresh start. It’s a chance to regroup and regain perspective. I find it so easy to get stuck in a rut in the day-to-day of life and so this is a chance to get out of that rut and think about what’s important and what we hope will come in another year.

R. and I talked a lot over Christmas break about wanting more out of life than just going to work and coming home and going to work and coming home, etc. We realize we need to make more time for people and for nourishing friendships. We also desire opportunity to minister to others and to share our faith. And to learn and grow and press in more with the Lord. Looking ahead to a NEW year!!!

Urgent Prayer Request

Please pray for little Hudson Taylor. He's been battling cancer over the past few months and has taken a bad turn. He's been transferred to ICU with a blood infection and his liver has shut down. Please pray for him as well as his family!!

A Bit Sentimental Lately

I imagine it’s probably because of the holidays just around the corner and all the memories associated with them, but I’ve been feeling sentimental the last few days. Memories of times with friends and thoughts of people I haven’t seen in a long time have come to mind frequently of late…..my freshman RA……my girls who stood up with us at our wedding just over a year ago……my long-time friend traveling the globe this Christmas…….my spunky, red-haired music buddy…….former co-workers who became true friends…….and so many more! I’m richly blessed!

To all of my dear friends; know that I’m thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer! I hope you have a wonderful holiday with those you love! You are missed and greatly appreciated! I’m glad to have you in my life, even from a distance.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas from our house to yours!!

May the presence of Christ enrich your hearts this holiday!!!

With much love!

R & M

Rocking the Boat

We were in Louisiana over the weekend visiting R’s family. On Sunday all of us went out for breakfast. R, his little brother, and I rode in our car. When we were getting out of the vehicle at the restaurant, we got a stare down from an older, white woman who was preparing to leave. Any of you who have ever seen the movie ‘Save the Last Dance’ will the recall the classic scene on the train when an older, white passenger is staring at actors Sean Patrick Thomas (African-American) and Julia Stiles (Caucasian) who are traveling together on a date to the ballet. Once Stiles realizes they’re being observed she turns it on and starts necking with Thomas. I didn’t quite go for that, but when the woman continued to stare at us, I smiled and waved at her. Needless to say she looked away and drove off. It made me laugh, but at the same time it really saddened me. When we went into the restaurant, the host found it necessary to ask if I was with the group, even though I was the first to follow him when he said our table was ready. Thankfully R and I haven’t experienced any outright hostility because of our interracial marriage, but prejudice isn’t dead by any means.

In his book “Searching for God Knows What” Donald Miller says our culture is built upon a life-boat mentality. We’re always comparing ourselves with each other and looking for those differences that set us apart from others. We try to make sure that if anyone is going to get thrown off the lifeboat it won’t be us. We can’t seem to understand that God isn’t looking for a reason to love us; that He loves us no matter what. Prejudice and racism have been around a long time and I’m sure will always be around in some form or another. We all struggle with it at some level. I think maybe the only way we’ll ever be free of it is if we come to know and understand God’s love in all of its perfection and beauty.

“Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world; red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world”………

Baking Memories

R. and I indulged in a little Christmas baking on Saturday. It was the first time we’ve baked together and the first time I’ve made Christmas cookies without my Mom or my Grandma present. In spite of this, our little adventure went surprisingly smooth and the cookies were mmmmmmmmmmmmm good. Here are some fun pics. We even made portrait cookies!!!! Isn’t Christmas wonderful?!?!

Arteest at Work

Kiss the Cook

A glimmer of hope...educationally speaking.

Today I received my acceptance letter to Baylor University!!!! Much is still unresolved as far as what music degree I will major in, or if I’ll even be accepted into the music program, however it’s a big step in the right direction! I don’t know yet what credits will transfer, but after reviewing my Prairie transcripts again, they have decided to accept transferred credits! Yay!

My audition for the music department is set for March. Yikes! This voice of mine is pretty rusty after two years out of the practice room. But I have a couple months to hone my skills. All this to say, nothing is certain at this point, but progress is being made!! Phew!

"Pour out your hearts to Him."

I wrestle with consistency in my walk with the Lord. I have moments when His presence is almost tangible and all I want is more of Him. But more often my quiet time is filled with distractions and mind-wanderings. Then there are the days when I neglect to spend time with Him altogether. My inconsistency brings with it a measure of guilt and I find myself feeling unworthy to spend time with Him at all.

I recall the graceless line of a song written by a passionate, well-meaning Christian. "If you can't come to Me(God) every day, then don't bother coming at all." Once upon a time I thought this sentiment was really how the Lord felt about us...and I guess considering the guilt I feel when I neglect to spend time with Him, I must still think this is how He feels.

Should I be frustrated that I can't seem to get a handle on how I order my time and my priorities, pushing God to the margins and even neglecting Him? Certainly; there's no question about that. However I am questioning how God reacts. (As I write this I find I can't quite put into words all that's swarming around in my head.) I wonder if I recoil from His presence with guilt because I expect Him to respond in the ungracious way I respond? I struggle sometimes to believe that it's not something personal when friends don't have time for me and my knee-jerk reaction is "fine, well I don't need them anyway" and I harden myself toward them and the potential to be hurt by them because they "won't" take time for me.

Perhaps as with most things for me, it's a matter of trust. This morning I read this verse from Psalm 62, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge". By no means have I arrived at any conclusion for all of this, but foundationally I need to trust Him and trust that He is open and receptive when I pour out my heart to Him. He is a safe place, a refuge, and because of Jesus the throne we approach is one of grace and so we're told to approach with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). If I carry around this burden of guilt for not coming to Him, it will only hinder me from coming.

Christmas in 18 days!!!

Christmas is my favorite time of year with all the music and the lights and the time with family and friends. Our house is looking all festive, inside and out. Even though we rent, we have such great neighbors that we were able to decorate outside as well. R. and our neighbor-friend took care of the “exterior illumination” as they called it. And thankfully, neither of them fell off the roof…I admit to being a little nervous about that!!!

Though Christmas is exciting, it doesn’t hold the same level of anticipation as it did when I was a child. Perhaps as adults we know too much and expect too little. I don’t know. My Christmas prayer is that we would become that child again and remember the delight of the season, and most importantly that we will keep before us the REASON we celebrate. Jesus became a child and was born into a harsh reality for sooooooo much more than music and lights and festivities and gifts. He came to bring us hope and a future. He came to save us from our sins. Let us hold this truth dear to our hearts and know once again the innocent delight of a child.

Present State of Being

I’ve been thinking about the state of being of so many of our friends and family, as well as our own situation at present. This state of waiting and wondering; knocking on doors unanswered; desirous to move forward and yet the way seems to be blocked and barred; a hint of possibility with no apparent outcome. It strikes me as strange that so many of us seem to be in this same state and it makes me wonder if there’s more to it than meets the eye. Could it be a byproduct of the spiritual state in this day and time? I think of the story in the book of Daniel where the angel tells him that the answer was sent as soon as Daniel prayed, and yet its arrival was hindered by a battle waged in the spiritual realm. Perhaps this is the case for us as well. The answer is on its way, but is delayed by the principalities and powers with which we wrestle.

If this is so, I wonder about the significance of our requests and why the answer would be a threat to the enemy? Is the delay a means of discouragement to blind us from what God is doing and will do? Does God have mighty plans for us that Satan shudders to see fulfilled? Or maybe it is meant as a distraction to keep us agitated and unfocused in the present time; unawares and not pressed in to the presence of the Lord.

In my heart there is a battle cry that calls us to press on and not give up; to take hold of all God has planned for us and the purpose He holds for each one of us. Let’s not become bogged down and succumb to discouragement as we wait and hope and look for that purpose and plan to be realized. God is faithful! As I write this, I’m aware that this is just what I needed to hear. I’ve allowed the waiting and the unknown to distract me from my relationship with Jesus. I’ve let all the thoughts of events outside my control to crowd out thoughts of the Lord and His kingdom. I don’t want to do this any longer! Lord, please help me to walk with You, through whatever you take me, wherever You lead, even if that means continued waiting. Help me to trust You…….

From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. 'For in Him we live and move and have our being.' Acts 17:26-28

365 days and nights

365 days and nights together. Yesterday we celebrated a year of marriage. It's been wonderful!!! I couldn't be more thankful for my sweet husband and the wonderful, thoughful man of God he is! All the waiting and praying and tears wondering when God would bring that special man into my life were worth it. I couldn't be happier with my love!

We spent a lazy day. Went out for breakfast, put up the Christmas tree, watched a movie. R made reservations for us for dinner. He reserved this great little nook at a local Italian place and he decorated with candles. We had our own private dining with plenty of great food and service. Yay! Fun times!!!!

Thanksgiving Feast

We celebrated Thanksgiving this year with R's family. Mom C and R's sisters prepared the feast. And feast we did! The food was great! Think Texas meets Louisiana! Seafood galore! Yum! We had a wonderful time with the family. It was a good chance for me to get to know everyone better. Needless to say, we have much to be thankful for!

First Married Thanksgiving

Thank the Lord

Dad C

Astride the Golden Elephant

Our nephews

Fully Educated

In the face of time’s passage, I often feel behind in the completion of my degree. I have no regrets for how I have spent the years since high school graduation. I’ve learned a lot and met some wonderful people. There’s just the pressure to be fully educated, not to mention the glass ceiling I’ve knocked my head against more than once!

This morning I heard a brief story about a Kansas college student. It certainly makes me feel better!! Maybe it’s not so important how old I am when I finally have my degree in hand……….

Morning Edition, November 21, 2006 · Kansas college student Nola Ochs, like many of her classmates, will likely do some studying over Thanksgiving break. But unlike them, Ochs can remember the events taught in her history class. She turns 95 tomorrow. Ochs remembers World War I, the formation of the Soviet Union and the fall of the Berlin Wall. Ochs has one semester to go before she graduates. That would make her the world's oldest college graduate.

"All Rise!"

Monday morning found us in Austin, Texas where R., along with 2,500 other newly licensed lawyers, was sworn in by the Chief Justice of the Texas Supreme Court. It was fun to witness the formality of the court, including the use of Latin to call the court to order. Those who addressed the inductees stressed the responsibility upon each new lawyer and the need for them to serve with integrity. I was proud to observe from the audience and know that my husband was among those making his pledge.

On Edge

I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I’m on edge and a little anxious wondering what’s going to happen with R’s job and where we’ll be living if we have to move. This not knowing is unnerving. And it’s not for lack of faith. I KNOW that the Lord has a place for us that He has already determined. It’s simply that I want to know! When will R. get the job? Will it be somewhere there’s a school I can attend? Do I prepare myself to say goodbye to the friends we’ve made here and the fabulous church we love? Or do I have the freedom to put down roots?

Then there’s my own struggle to know what I really want concerning school and education. I’m feeling more and more uncertain whether I want to be a full-time music student again. I recall how madly stressed out I was before and I just don’t know if I want to go back to that level of stress. Nor do I want to have my time with R. get crowded out, especially since he has just finished his education and we’re still unencumbered by the responsibility of children.

A part of me simply wants to enjoy the freedom and flexibility we have right now and then in a couple years to start a family and focus on being a good mom. Then there’s this nagging voice in the back of my head that says I’m somehow less if I don’t complete my degree. I want to complete my degree, but sometimes I think it’s just to prove something; maybe to myself and maybe to the world.

I’m sure I’m stressing over nothing and will look back as I have many times before and see how perfectly God worked everything out. It’s possible that we’ll move to a place where there’s a school that will accept transfer credits from Prairie and I can complete my degree at a more moderate pace. Meanwhile, I’m on the edge and wondering.

Introducing!

My husband: Attorney at Law

Employee's Testament

I am a whole person
My life consists of more than 8 to 5
I’m more than just an employee
I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend

While I am at work, I dedicate myself to working hard
But when 5 comes around, I will leave
I will not apologize for leaving right on time
Just like I don’t apologize for my prompt arrival

While I am at work, my time is yours
But I will use up every last hour of vacation leave
I will not apologize for taking time off
I’m more than just an employee

I am a whole person
I have hobbies and interests and charm
I have a family and they come first
I am more than just an employee

You the employer should know
Good employees are hard to find
And harder to find is to keep them
Perhaps the answer lies with you

I am a whole person
And as such I deserve your respect
Don’t come between me and my husband, my child
For they’re more to me than this job

I may be one among many employees
But I’m the only wife and mother they have
If a whole person’s more than you bargained for
Perhaps it’s a robot you want

by Mollie

The Importance of Being Earnest

Now that the Bar results are in, the job search has begun in earnest. Please pray that the Lord will guide us and open the door that is best for us. Please pray that we will trust Him to care for us and that we won't get impatient as we wait. It's all a little overwhelming. The last seeming obstacle has been removed and yet we must still rely on the Lord to make a way for us. And sometimes trusting is hard, especially when circumstances are difficult in the waiting room............

Ladies and Gentleman!

After much anticipation and jitters, I am THRILLED to report that my sweet husband has successfully passed the Texas Bar Examination!!!!!! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, my gosh! Yikes! I can't breathe, I can't breathe!!!! Phew! Wow! Yeah...we're a little excited!

Results came out a day earlier than scheduled and I had the great privilege of giving R. the wonderful news. I’m soooooooo proud of him and the many, many hours of study and hard work that went into this success!

We spent the weekend celebrating with family and friends. Friday night found us at the Elite with a relaxed time of conversation and laughter and jazz music. Then on Saturday we drove to R’s parents and were wined and dined at a “superior” restaurant in Louisiana. It was a great time with the whole family together!

Today we’re back to work and the anticipation of the next thing for us now that this very large hurdle has been passed! Congratulations, darling! I’m so proud of you, not just for this great accomplishment, but for who you are. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy November!

It finally feels like Fall here today, though Texas style that still promises a high of 60 degrees for this afternoon. Still, I dug the turtleneck out of the drawer and feel all cozy and warm. I love Fall! I love the smell of the air and the holidays coming just around the corner. It's beautiful and refreshing and I feel like celebrating the day!

Blessings to all!!

School House Rock!!!

I wrote a week or so ago that I was experiencing a bit of a dilemma regarding the completion of my degree. So much hinged on responses outside my control. Well, as always, the Lord has been faithful to make a way for me once again! I received news on Friday that I've been granted an extension to complete my degree, giving me 4 semesters instead of just 3, and they will accept credits from the local community college which makes it much more financially feasible!!! I still feel kinda shocked as if this can't really be happening, but it's becoming more and more real. I'm going back to school!!!!!!!! Yippy!!!!! God is so faithful!!

Blessed..........

Yesterday R. and I celebrated eleven months of marriage! And I’m so thankful. I’m thankful for a husband I can respect, who’s filled with wisdom, and is sensitive to the needs of others, who’s not afraid to speak the truth and stand up for what he believes, who loves me unconditionally. I’m thankful for the deepening love in our relationship. I’m thankful to be married to you, sweetheart! Thank you for being who you are!!

From not Toward

Our Sunday School teacher asked our class whether we "felt" married when we first wed. He then told us that even if we didn't feel married, the reality was that we were married and thus we work from that reality and no longer toward it as we did when we were but engaged. He proceeded to tell us that this is true in our walk with the Lord as well. Scripture often speaks in the past tense when relating our relationship with God. Saved, redeemed, the old has passed away. Once His initial work of redemption has taken place in our hearts and we are "born again" or "saved", then we aren't walking toward this state of salvation, but His salvation becomes the source from which we walk.

From, not toward.... No longer reaching, but walking in the reality of this truth. And oh how I need to understand this reality. I seem to be in a constant state of striving. I may grasp and believe in God's love for me, but I'm certain I don't understand it as it really is because I still find myself working to keep it.

The same is true with human relationships. Even in marriage, when I know without a doubt that R. loves me intensely, I still live as though his love is dependent upon my behavior. Living as if I could lose his love if I "mess up" enough. Living in fear.....

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John) Oh to submit my heart to this reality and to know this truth in all its fullness. To grasp God's heart toward me and the depth of His great love. Jesus, here is my heart.

Music Muse

As the end of the year approaches I have turned my attention to finishing my music degree. First things first, I applied to the school at which I am currently employed. I sent off for my college transcripts and upon their arrival, I excitedly presented them to the admissions counselor. Her words to me, however, quickly brought to my attention that this would not be a smooth process. Because Prairie is accredited only as a Bible College, they would not accept ANY credits for transfer. Not half, not some, but NONE. I was expecting that transferring credits would put me back a little, realizing they probably would only give partial credit, but I was completely shocked to hear that none of my hard work would be acknowledged.

And so began the search for options. Here a little background is appropriate. Soon after I moved to Texas and left Prairie behind, they completely revamped their degree programs, eliminating the degree program I had begun. Now for my options. If I choose to complete the degree I started through Prairie, I may do so, as long as I finish it by June of 2008. This sounds like a ways off, until one stops to calculate that this would mean completing 66 music credits in a year and a half, including an internship. So the search continues, comparing the current revamped degree to the old one to see what's different between the two, thinking perhaps I should just switch majors. Upon further review, however, I discover that changing majors would signal the end of music classes because my degree was revamped to the extent that it hardly bears resemblence to a music degree at all. Nope, that won't work. And I'm really not okay with nearly killing myself to complete my degree in such a short time, especially so early on in our marriage when we're still free of the responsibility of children.

At this point, then, it seems my options are shrinking rapidly. I'm still hopeful that something will work out for I know that the Lord knew about these circumstances ahead of time. However, that something still eludes me. Please pray for guidance. That my heart and motivations will be pure before the Lord, that even the seeking to finish my degree would not arise from my own pride, but will arise from an understanding of what the Lord has called me to with music.

Prayer in the Waiting Room

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Rainy Monday

On the weekends it seems somehow easier to remain positive and hopefull about the next step for us and the opportunity for an attorney job for R. But then Monday morning comes around, and a rainy Monday at that, and I feel the reality of another week in the same old job doing the same old thing all over again. It's frustrating! I know in my heart that this time won't be forever. And I know that this time of waiting has been good for us; we've learned so much and drawn closer to the Lord. But even in the face of this knowledge I get discouraged about not seeing any answers in sight. When, Lord? How much longer do we have to wait?

Open Mic Night!

So...as I mentioned, Friday night was my musical debut here in Texas! And it went great! A number of friends turned out to support me. All in all there were probably about 25 to 30 people at the coffee house (about 10 were friends). I sang first and did 3 songs that I've written new this year. I started my first song and a few people I didn't know changed seats to be closer to where I was. Then when I sang my second song, the whole place went completely silent and everyone stopped what they were doing to listen. It was so humbling to have such a response!! For years friends and family and especially R. have been telling me that my songs are good and that I need to get out there, but I think deep down I really thought that they only felt that way because they care about me and so they're biased in their opinions. But on Friday night I realized that there truly is potential for me to perform and perhaps even become a recording artist as I've always dreamed. We'll see what happens next and where God leads us. Whatever happens I'm blessed by how well it went and for the affirmation I received from those who came to listen.
Thank you, sweetheart, for encouraging me to go for it!!!! You're my hero!!!!

Where's Raldo?

He's out promoting me and tonight's coffee house!! I'm actually taking the plunge and getting out there with my music! Tonight! The Java Hut! 8pm! Three new songs! Yay!!!!!

Lord have mercy......

I just don’t understand…..why would anyone to into a school and shoot up a bunch of girls? Why? What drives someone to do that? To look right at them and pull the trigger? And not once, but multiple times? I just don’t get it. Senseless brutality.

R. and I have been discussing the recent wave of evil we’ve seen in the media. The real life kind aside, it’s all over the movies and the tv series’. A couple weekends ago we went to the movies to watch a PG-13 movie. In the previews there were THREE horror movie trailers for our viewing. I couldn’t watch, but just hearing them was enough to trail bad images through my mind and left me feeling violated. Then, we’ve recently started watching ‘Jericho’, a new tv series. It’s been clean so far, but we have to change channels just to avoid the graphic contents of previews for CSI and other shows that I recall liking at one time. What’s the deal? Why are we so obsessed with violence and downright evil? What about it draws our attention and interest?

A friend and I were discussing the devil and how hard it is to imagine him as an actual being, likely because of the caricatures of him running around in a red suit holding a pitchfork. But it takes no imagination to believe that he does exist when looking at the evidence of his handiwork in the evil surrounding and inundating us.

I think of the Scripture in Matthew that talks about the increase of wickedness causing the love of most to grow cold. The love of MOST. That means I’m not immune to it. I can’t get cocky and think that could never happen to me. It makes me realize even more how very dependant I am and must be on the Lord to keep me. I don’t want to get to the place where this evil is just taken in stride; to a place where my heart is hardened to its horror. Keep my heart soft, Jesus. Please keep my eyes on You; seeking You more, knowing You in a deeper way. Lord have mercy……….

Encouraging Quote

from Hudson Taylor, missionary to China, 1865

“The believer does not need to wait until he sees the reason of God’s afflictive dealings with him ere he is satisfied; he knows that all things work together for good to them that love God; that all dealings are those of a loving Father, who only permits that which for the time being is grievous in order to accomplish results that cannot be achieved in any less painful way. The wise and trustful child of God rejoices in tribulation…our Heavenly Father delights to trust a trustworthy child with a trial in which he can bring glory to God, and through which he will receive permanent enlargement of heart and blessings for himself and others.”

Please continue to pray for little Hudson Taylor. I mentioned him awhile back. He's one year old and battling cancer. Please join with us in praying for his healing.

Ten Terrific Months

Today is our 10th monthiversary! Ten months of learning and stretching and growing in new ways and ten months of the sweetest relationship I've ever known. I'm so thankful for my precious husband. R. is truly a gift from the Lord and I couldn't be more blessed to have him as my own!!

Last night as we talked just after we arrived home from work, I realized that I've been carrying some concerns inside for awhile. I've been concerned about getting stuck in this job and not getting the opportunity to pursue my dreams and education. I didn't even realize I was holding this inside, but talking to R. and getting it out brought a much needed relief. And of course crying always helps too! We prayed together and I feel so much better than yesterday's grumps! God does have good things for us and it will come just in time! I lose sight of that sometimes......

Grumpy

Grumpy is an apt description of how I'm feeling right now. My patience with people is thin and I just feel off today. Not sure why, really, except maybe monthly hormones. Grrrrrrr......... Alas, perhaps it's just Monday after a nice weekend that ended too soon. Sigh.

Various Laws of Nature....for laughs

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Repair Person: When you take a malfunctioning product for repair, it will not duplicate the problem for the repair person. This is related to the Law of the Result.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll or bounce to the least accessible location.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you with whom you don't want to be seen.

Law of the Result: When you try to demonstrate to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of the Squeak: Products only make inappropriate noises when you don’t want them to. Related, but not limited to the Law of the Repair Person.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

First Law of Events: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Second Law of Events: At an event, the people seated furthest from the aisle will more frequently need to get up for food, drinks and bathroom breaks.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the value, newness and difficulty in cleaning the carpet.

Law of Spills: The messiness of the material spilled is inversely proportional to the value and difficulty in cleaning the surface on which it lands.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of the Sexes: There are two ways to handle an argument with a woman. Neither of them work.

Quick to Listen

Have you noticed that it seems like people don't listen very well? Part of my job in HR is to administer clerical testing for our clerical positions. It's always amazing to me when I can say something and the very next second they ask the question about what I have just told them; sometimes using the exact wording I used to explain it to them. What's the deal? Did I just not explain it clearly, or were they just not paying any attention? I wonder if I do this; ask a question immediately following the answer? Hmmmmmm..... Maybe that why Scripture tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I wonder if it's a spiritual issue?............. Hmmmmmm....I don't know.

The Last of the Bar Projects

This was definitely the biggest project yet!! I forgot to take pictures before I took off the cupboard doors, but you get the idea of what it looked like before. Then R. helped me put in shelves inside for the DVD player and all that so it looks like a legitimate TV cabinet. No more stacking on top of the television!! Yay! I'm pretty proud of our work!!!

After

What?!? You've never heard of a balloon glow?

The 6th Annual Balloon Glow

Saturday night R. and I went to a balloon glow. Never heard of it? I hadn't either, but it was great fun!! The event was free. We watched them inflate the balloons and then they had a music presentation in which they lit the balloons in time with the music. It's really quite amazing all the muscle and sweat that goes into inflating one of those things! I was impressed!!

With a free Concert

Big Daddy Weave

And Glow They Did

...and we had a wonderful time!

To walk humbly

Humility has never been one of my strong points. In fact I'd say it's one of my biggest struggles. I like to be right and I don't appreciate being questioned or challenged. Needless to say, I've realized that even when someone is in the wrong in how they treat me, I'm still called to respond with humility because this is what the Lord requires and what honors Him. Dang! This is hard to swallow sometimes! Especially when I'm treated improperly or belittled! And yet, if this will bring pleasure to the Lord, that makes me want to try and to let Him change my heart. And I know I can trust Him to be faithful. Oh, but it's hard!!! My usual reaction is to get defensive and fight back, but the Lord is the one who defends me so I don't need to worry about myself. But I do. Hmmmmm.....Come Lord Jesus, please change this heart of mine.

With a thankful heart

I wrote earlier about God being true to His Word and His promise that if we seek Him first 'all these things will be added unto you'. We have felt that over the last few days in such a tangible way. First we recognized the change in our marriage. The fighting and arguing about silly things ceased and we found ourselves serving each other willingly without keeping a tally of our service and comparing with each other. Secondly we found ourselves inundated with invitations to be with others, in contrast to our previous feeling of isolation. On Sunday we went to Highland Baptist Church and the sermon spoke to us where we are. We went forward for prayer and were approached by a man we didn't know and invited to the small group he leads...they're studying the will of God and how to know His leading. Oh, and on a side note my car is running again. It was just a battery and Robert was able to change it himself. We're seeing God add unto us as week seek Him. But even more important, we're desiring the Lord and intimacy with Him in a way that we haven't for a long time. A passion to know Him deeply again.

Burning......

"My mountains" are on fire! Sniff, sniff. It's beautiful and sad all at the same time. Please do pray for rain in St. Ignatius so the fire will get put out!

True to His Word

R. and I had a blessed time visiting his family over the long weekend and we came home with new perspective. We've struggled to know what the Lord has for us and wondered why He seemed so silent In taking time away and talking and praying about it the answer was clear. We've been neglecting the Lord and focusing our attention everywhere except on Him. He has not been our first, second, or even third priority. We've been giving Him the leftovers. How could we expect to hear His voice when we haven't been listening or paying attention? We have renewed our evening devotions together and have been deliberate about personal time with the Lord and already see a change in our life. R. is more encouraged and we are meshing together and desiring to bless each other, instead of seeking for our own blessing.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." True to His Word, God has been adding to us as we seek Him first. I'm so thankful that even when I am faithless, He remains faithful.

Resting in His grace........

Brief Revival

Last night we used the jumper cables on Lucy, hoping that would be the end of her coma-like state. She fired to life and seemed to be running okay until I put the car in reverse...back to sleep. So we jumped her again and this time R. told me to take right off and head for the video store and he would be right behind me. So I left...only then remembering that my cell phone was charging in the living room.

I head for the store all the while looking for R. in my rear-view mirror; nope not there. I'm wondering what happened to him, feeling a little anxious about the fact that he's not there, I'm without a cell phone, and every time I roll up the window or turn on the radio, the headlights dim. Oh boy. Fifteen minutes later I pull into the video store parking lot; still no R. I drive around a few minutes and then decide to head home since I'm afraid to turn off the car.

I head on home and when I get to the highway, I switch on my brights. The car jerks like that was way too much energy extended, so I quickly turn it back to normal hoping I'll make it home 'cause it's dark and there's nothing but farm houses along this road. Wonderful. Still don't know where R. is. Thankfully I make it home, park the car, turn it off, made it. I try the key just to see if it will start again...deep coma-state. Yikes!

R. finally shows up. He went to the wrong video store. Oops! I guess that's what happens when one breaks routine! But, I made it home and he made it home. An unexpected little adventure to break up the week...phew!

Tomorrow we're off to R's parents until Wedesday. Happy Labor Day to all! Hope you don't have to labor!!! We'll be taking it easy!