People Pleasers Anonymous

Perhaps there should be a support group similiar in scope to AA for those of us who wrestle under the oppression of pleasing people. "I am a pleasaholic" would commence the arduous journey toward freedom from caring what other people think.

I am a people pleaser and I come by it honestly. I have observed this burden first-hand in my mom and grandma, and would venture to guess it can be traced back much farther than that. "But what will so and so think if we"...fill in the blank...buy this piece of furniture, go on that vacation, attend this church or school, wear this item of clothing, and on and on and on. I'm sure you can relate since this trait is not unique to my family.

Particularly in this season of my life, I realize how much thought I give to the opinions of others. And the incredibly odd thing about it is that those opinions I seem to be most worried about are not from those people who truly know and care about me, but about those on the fringes that ultimately have nothing to do with my life or have any legitimate say in what I do or don't do whatsoever!

Yesterday I read this verse in Gal. 1:10 (NRSV) "Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ." First of all, they were struggling with this same thing over 2,000 years ago! It's not new and it was just as debilitating then as it is now!!! Second, the very reality of being a servant of Christ is in direct contradiction to pleasing people. The fact that I love Jesus means the person I now am and the life I live is already out of favor. Now I'm not talking about the much-heard talk about "those people" in the world, "they", who don't like us Christians because.....etc. But think about it. If I truly lived in the fullness of who I am in Christ, of Who HE is, then it is impossible to please even fellow Christians. At some point, a choice or decision I make will step on somebody's toes or fly in the face of what culture, even Christian culture, has deemed acceptable.

I'm sure that I'm not making complete sense since I hardly grasp this concept in my own mind, but hang on with me! How to put this in words...... Take any one of the many characteristics of Christ as an example. Forgiveness. Consider the woman whose husband leaves her for another woman. She's left with three kids to take care of on a meager income and he can't even make it to the bank on time with the paltry sum he puts in whenever he feels like it. It's been years since he left.

Culture, even Christian culture, says "divorce him". "He committed adultery so you have Biblical grounds, what on earth are you waiting for?" "Do you really think he's going to change?" "It's time to move on!" But this woman continues to love her husband and would readily take him back if he would come. She is living the radical forgiveness of Christ. But pleasing people? No. Her friends and co-workers tease her about meeting someone new. Her mom and aunts and cousins try to pressure her to get a divorce. And yet she's pleasing God with her choice to remain faithful to the marriage vows she made. The decision that she made between herself and God, not at the pressure of anybody else.

It's my prayer that as I contemplate the next step for me regarding school and the future, that I will be set free from caring what other people think about what I do and that I will concern myself only with pleasing the Lord. That might mean studying something contrary to someone else's opinion, or choosing not to return to school at all. Whatever it is, I want to know that God is pleased with me and that I have been obedient to His will and purpose for my life.