"Pour out your hearts to Him."

I wrestle with consistency in my walk with the Lord. I have moments when His presence is almost tangible and all I want is more of Him. But more often my quiet time is filled with distractions and mind-wanderings. Then there are the days when I neglect to spend time with Him altogether. My inconsistency brings with it a measure of guilt and I find myself feeling unworthy to spend time with Him at all.

I recall the graceless line of a song written by a passionate, well-meaning Christian. "If you can't come to Me(God) every day, then don't bother coming at all." Once upon a time I thought this sentiment was really how the Lord felt about us...and I guess considering the guilt I feel when I neglect to spend time with Him, I must still think this is how He feels.

Should I be frustrated that I can't seem to get a handle on how I order my time and my priorities, pushing God to the margins and even neglecting Him? Certainly; there's no question about that. However I am questioning how God reacts. (As I write this I find I can't quite put into words all that's swarming around in my head.) I wonder if I recoil from His presence with guilt because I expect Him to respond in the ungracious way I respond? I struggle sometimes to believe that it's not something personal when friends don't have time for me and my knee-jerk reaction is "fine, well I don't need them anyway" and I harden myself toward them and the potential to be hurt by them because they "won't" take time for me.

Perhaps as with most things for me, it's a matter of trust. This morning I read this verse from Psalm 62, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge". By no means have I arrived at any conclusion for all of this, but foundationally I need to trust Him and trust that He is open and receptive when I pour out my heart to Him. He is a safe place, a refuge, and because of Jesus the throne we approach is one of grace and so we're told to approach with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). If I carry around this burden of guilt for not coming to Him, it will only hinder me from coming.