Impermanence

It has become more and more apparent in recent days that we live in a society of impermanence. In college one expects that friends are around for only a short time and that everyone will disperse to their respective locations. That doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but it is nonetheless expected. After college, and after marriage, and buying a house and starting a family, there is a semblance of permanence, but this is just an illusion. We’re not a society of roots anymore, but of change. And that’s not always bad! I’m an advocate of change! Change causes us to grow and develop and learn new things. But it still comes as a surprise to realize that the friends one thought would just always be around are heading off to new experiences and new locations.

Two of my close Mommy friends are moving. One is leaving just this week and another heads out in June; thus the reality of impermanence. I’m sad to see them go and wonder who the Lord will bring into my life to fill the gap…not to replace since they’re irreplaceable…but to fill in for their absence. At the same time, I don’t begrudge them the opportunities! A part of me wishes it was us going on to new adventures. But the Lord has us here and has them going on and He’ll take care of both of us. Saying goodbyes, though, does make me think of another world in which goodbyes will cease and everyone I love will all be together with HIM. I’m glad again that this life isn’t all we get, though I am thankful for it.

Baby Paraphernalia

R. and I did some pre-registry legwork last night; meaning we went to the Baby Depot and looked at some baby items and began the decision process about what we think we want for our little one. It all started out just fine with the excitement of what we'd like for our little one. But, the night ended with me in tears feeling overwhelmed about how on earth we’re going to fit everything in our apartment without being overtaken by baby paraphernalia! (Oh the joys of pregnant hormones and emotions that can change in a nanosecond!) Bottom line is the question of whether we really need everything we think we need and what we actually do need. For such small little people, babies sure come with a lot of STUFF!

The Lookout Post

I think this is the epitome of CUTE so I had to share!!! Chewie and Chica will sit on their little stool for hours looking outside or napping until they hear something worth checking out!! And it's just as cute from out of doors!! We have sweet little doggies!!

So this is random, but I'm happy to say that after two years of marriage I'm finally learning to keep up with the laundry!! It seems to be a no-brainer, but it's a lot different to wash clothes for two people rather than one!! When I was single, I would go 3 weeks without doing laundry and then I'd do a few big loads and be done with it. Now, I really do have to wash clothes every week or it takes me a week to get it all done! And it's taken me until now to really figure this out and then actually do the laundry once a week! I guess it's a good thing since in a few months we'll go from two to three laundry-makers! Smile.

15 weeks

Friday R. and I went to our baby doctor. I wasn't sure what this visit would entail, so I was even more excited to get to hear our baby's heartbeat!!!! I almost cried it was so precious!! There's something so sweet about the sound! And our little one was running a marathon or something in there!!! 160 beats!! Last time we got to see a mini-ultrasound 'cause we couldn't hear the heartbeat. That was cool, but it's hard to tell what you're looking at on such a little screen. But a heartbeat is pretty recognizable and it makes it seem all the more real that we're actually having a BABY!

I was also really encouraged in asking our doctor some questions about child-birth and different positions and practices. The more I read and talk to others about birth and delivery, the more I REALLY want to stick with a natural approach to birth. In talking with our doctor it seems like she's very supportive of that!

New meaning to the word ‘tired’.

You’ve never been tired until you’ve been pregnant and tired! This week has particularly brought this truth home. I’ve had a nap nearly every day this week and have gone to bed early every night but one and I still feel like I could sleep for a week!

Tomorrow is the 14 week milestone. This week our sweet one can make facial expressions and even suck her/his thumb! I can’t wait until I can feel all the movements she/he is making already! It still feels so unreal that there’s really a baby in there!!

R. has been so wonderful through all the tiredness and emotional ups and downs. I certainly couldn’t do this without him!! And he’s so precious! When he comes home from work at night he gives me a kiss and then he leans down and talks to our baby inside my belly! This little one will certainly know her/his Daddy’s voice!! R. is going to be such a wonderful Dad!!!

Beautiful Christian Sister

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER

by Maya Angelou

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

One of a Kind

Today marks 13 weeks of pregnancy! Our little one is growing and changing so much! Most of the baby's development is complete already! This week he/she got fingerprints! Already unique and one of a kind! It's amazing to think that someone so small, just 3 inches, could be so intricate and detailed in design!

Date Night

Tuesday night is typically date night for us. We don’t always go out, but we try to make it time set aside to focus on each other. We plan to continue this practice after the baby comes. Anyone up for babysitting? Smile.

Last night the sky was clear and the weather was perfect. We got Starbucks coffee and drove out to a newer housing development down the road from us where we could park in semi-darkness and look at the stars through the sunroof. It was such a perfect time to enjoy the night sky and just talk without distraction.

We stayed out there a couple hours before we decided to head home. R. turned on the car and we started down the road about the same time we saw the headlights of another car turning into the development. Once the car comes into our line of vision we realize it’s a police car and he promptly turns on his lights. We pull over and he shines his search light at our vehicle and comes toward us with his flashlight shining into our car. He asks us if everything is okay. R. introduces himself and me and explains that we’re on a date looking at the stars and enjoying the night. The officer asks to see ID. R. of course includes his work ID as well…when you work in connection with law enforcement that can’t hurt!! Apparently they’ve been having a lot of theft at the construction sites. Anyways, I guess the officer thought we were legit ‘cause he let us go and told us to have a good night. We got a good laugh out of it! What were the odds that he’d be coming in at the same time we were leaving!! Smile. Date night was great!!!

First Trimester Down!!!

It really is hard to believe that the first trimester is over! Yesterday was the 12 week mark. It sounds a lot better to think that there's only 6 months left! Yay!! I'm very happy to report that I haven't been sick once! Thanks, Mom!!! My Mom wasn't sick with either of her pregnancies and I've been hoping to follow in her footsteps. (and I hope my delivery goes as well as her's did also!)

The last few days have been pretty emotional, but after an afternoon with friends and encouragement, I feel much better. It helps to talk to someone who's been there and have them say they understand 'cause they felt the same way! And to know that they made it through the emotional minefields and now they have a beautiful little baby! It also helps to give permission to feel the way I feel and not follow that up with guilt. There's a transition involved in being pregnant and it can be really emotional at times. And that's okay! Once again I'm reminded that life and its experiences aren't what I expected...but then I'm also reminded that they've always been better than expected when it's all said and done!

Only the positive!!

My friend Bekah made a post at the beginning of her pregnancy that she only wanted to hear positive stories and comments! Well, I'm here to echo that to anyone who wants to read this!! And number one on the list is shut up about weight and size already!!!! If I hear one more person tell me they "can't believe I'm showing so soon" I just might haul off and deck them!!! And not another word about the fact that I'm hungry AGAIN! Of course I'm hungry!! I'm not the only one getting nourishment from the food I'm eating! And there's no doubt about it, I am going to gain weight! Duh! I'm pregnant! But you don't have to rub it in! I'm already struggling with the fact that I weigh more than I ever have before (darn it for looking at the doctor's chart...I won't be doing that again).

So bottom line, I'm coming up on 12 weeks pregnant. Yes, I already look pregnant. So tell me I'm adorable and keep any other opinions to yourself! Don't you think I know what I look like?!?!? Remember what your momma told you, "If you can't say anything nice, SHUT UP"!

Short but Sweet

I took my parents back to the airport this morning after a super visit from them!! They stayed with us for a week and it felt like a minute! We had a great time! On Friday they took me clothes shopping! Yay for new clothes that fit! Then over the weekend we went to R's parent's place and we got to spend time with the whole fam. Monday we took it easy. Tuesday was Mom's birthday and R. arranged for us to go get a facial while Dad stayed behind with R. at work. Yesterday we took a jaunt to Austin, had lunch at Whole Foods (yum) and went to Waterloo Records (fabulous). And today they left! No wonder the time went by so quickly! It was so good to see them and not so great to have to say goodbye! But, the baby gives the perfect excuse for them to come back in just a few months!! Way to go little raspberry!!!

10 weeks

We're now 10 weeks pregnant! I guess that means we're almost through with the first trimester. I have to say it's kinda weird the way the weeks are calculated. Since we know the day we conceived (yay for natural family planning and charting!!!) we thought we were 8 weeks pregnant, but since most people don't know the exact day doctors usually calculate based on a woman's monthly cycle. Then there's what's called gestation which is like two weeks longer than the actual age of the baby....so I guess that means I'm at 10 weeks. That's fine with me, of course! I feel like I just gained ground and have less time to wait!

Pregnancy hasn't been quite what I expected so far. I haven't been sick which is great! None of my pants fit which has been surprisingly discouraging! I think that I thought I wouldn't mind losing my waist when we got pregnant 'cause there would be a very legitimate excuse. But I don't look pregnant at this point...I look chubby! R. took me shopping last week and at one point we had to stop so he could tell me I'm beautiful and that's it's okay that I'm not skinny anymore.

It's very surreal to be pregnant. I don't know that it will begin to sink in until I start feeling the baby move and we know if we're having a boy or a girl. In those moments when I realize this is really happening I get super excited...and then totally freaked out at the same time! I never imagined that there would be so much mental adjustment involved in this process. It's a good thing we have awhile to get used to the idea!

R. has been so wonderful! He has held me when I'm feeling scared or overwhelmed. He has told me I'm beautiful repeatedly. And best of all he is so excited to be a Dad! And I know he's going to be a good one! I'm so thankful to be on this journey with my sweet husband! It really is amazing to know we're going to have OUR baby!

By the way...our baby is the size of a small plum now!!!

Drumroll please...............

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our little bundle is due October 9th!!!

Little Girlfriend

Introducing our newest little girlfriend!! Little Rania was born just over a week ago to some good friends of ours. We went to visit last night and got to hold the little miss. She is so sweet and tiny! It's hard to believe that we all start out so little!!! We also got to experience the traditional Lebanese dessert that is served to guests that come to visit the new baby. It was fabulous! It kinda reminded me of Chai tea and the texture was like pudding. Yum! Below is the baby quilt that I made for Rania and I'm told she sleeps under it every night!

Coming Clean

It's not something that's easy to share. In spite of the fact that our society is more understanding about it, there's still an element of shame and stigma attached to it. But, with the hope that someone else may be ministered to, I decided to take the risk and talk about my depression. The funny thing about depression is that it doesn't necessarily look the same for everyone. For that reason at first it didn't occur to me that that was what I was dealing with. You see, depression runs in my family on both sides so it's no stranger. I always hoped that I would somehow be passed over and it wouldn't touch me, but it has.

Depression has raised it's head a few different times in my life starting back when I was just out of highschool. At that time it took the form of anxiety. In college it raised its head again in the form of loneliness and I found myself withdrawing from everyone. I think it was brought on by stress! Music school will do that to ya!

This past year it started with some life changes and disappointments. I auditioned to get into music school and was not accepted. While I was able to logically understand and even appreciate the fact that I wasn't sure I really wanted to be in music school again, it was still an emotional blow. Then I quit my full-time job to stay at home. Don't get me wrong, I was so happy to quit that job, but it was a huge adjustment. I think this change actually helped me to recognize what was going on and had been for awhile.

So often depression is only thought to be inconsolable sadness, but that's not all it is. It manifests itself through lack of motivation and confidence, procrastination, withdrawal from others, lack of direction, exhaustion, being easily overwhelmed, lashing out, discontent, negative thinking, insecurity. This is what it has been to me. It doesn't mean I'm sad all the time, or that I even feel this way all the time. However, the window I look through to observe life around me is tainted by depression and so my outlook is not always true.

Lately I've realized that I need to focus on being emotionally healthy again. I need it for me, for my marriage, for my future children and for friends and family. I know I'm usually happy when you see me socially, at church, at work and so it may be hard to imagine that this struggle could be going on. The truth is, when I'm around other people I feel on top. When you see me smiling, it's for real. It's usually when I'm alone and when I'm tired that it all comes piling in on me. Bottom line, I know I'm going to be fine. And I don't want to be treated any differently than if I had never shared what I'm going through. That's not what this post is about. It's about being honest. We all struggle! We all have weaknesses and sometimes it's in coming clean with them that we can connect with each other in a way that is real and genuine. So now I've come clean...and it feels really good.

Just had to share!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!

You're all invited to come to our place and share dinner with us on our new table...just not all at the same time!! I've been saving my pennies for awhile with the hopes of getting a new dining table. The old one looked good, but really was only big enough for two people. Four could fit, but there was a lot of elbow bumping and knee knocking. So I've been keeping my eye out for just the right table...I knew exactly what I wanted! And Pier 1 had it and we bought the floor model so they knocked off 20%! Yippy!!! Let us know when you can come help us break it in!!!

Christmas in Disneyland!!!

R. and I spent the Christmas holiday with R's family in California's Disneyland!! It was my first time in California and I can see why people want to live there. It's beautiful with the mountains and the palm trees and the ocean. We only saw the ocean from the air, but it was still fabulous!! We had a great couple of days! It kinda felt like a second honeymoon. Most of the time R. and I wandered off by ourselves.

It's too complicated to coordinate 11 people for everything, so we met up with the rest of the fam at arranged times! One of those times was when me and the guys rode the Tower of Terror ride! It was awesome!! Basically you get in an elevator that plummets downward suddenly and quickly! I screamed and hugged R's arm and giggled so much!!!

Each morning (and a couple times in between) R and I got coffee at a bookstore in the park. Starbucks watch out! They made the BEST mochas I have ever had. I asked them what kind of coffee they used....some local guy roasts it! Wow! The food in the park is great too!! For Christmas dinner R and I ate at the House of Blues. Yummy! Lamb Shank, mashed sweet potatoes, green beans and cooked carrots. Oh yeah! It was a great vacation!

House Hunting

R. and I are house-hunting these days. It's such an exciting endevour...the thought of owning our own home. No more sharing a wall with the neighbors...our own private yard...we can paint anything we want whatever color we want...more space. It's exciting. And it's frustrating and tiring and time-consuming!!! If you own your home and you had a quick and simple home-buying process, consider yourself blessed!!! Until we started this process I had no idea that foundation problems were so rampant...or that carpet could be so trashed...or that neighborhoods could be so unpredictable! It has been an experience to say the least!!! Hopefully the right house comes our way soon...I'm getting tired of the hunt!!

I did it after all.

I wasn't going to decorate for Christmas this year. We're going to be out of town and everything is busy right now with house hunting and all. But then I started to feel really sad and it totally didn't feel like Christmas-time. So I broke down and put everything up and I'm so glad I did and it looks beautiful!!!!

Happy 2nd Anniversary!!!!

November 26th was our second wedding anniversary!! I surprised R. and picked out a fancy hotel in Austin and we spent the weekend celebrating. I bought a new dress for the occassion so we dressed for dinner and shared a fabulous evening together. It was so great to get away and just have time for each other without responsibilities or doggies to get home to or any contraints on our time. Every day I realize all over again how very blessed I am to have married such a precious man. God has indeed blessed me beyond my wildest dreams in R. for a husband!!! It's hard to believe two whole years have passed since we said our vows to each other! We look forward to many, many more!!! We plan to celebrate our 80th anniversary someday if we're still alive and kicking past 100!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

We hosted Thanksgiving in our home this year. It was the first time since we married that we had a holiday at our place! My aunt, uncle and cousins from here in Texas came for a couple days and we had a great time together. The weather was cold enough that we were able to have a cozy fire in the fireplace and the food turned out perfect! I made my first turkey and it was delicious! We're still eating the leftovers! Smile.

Turkey Day?

So...it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when people refer to Thanksgiving as 'turkey day'. For starters there's the whole historical aspect to the holiday. The first Thanksgiving many years ago was an intercultural feast to give thanks to God for a bountiful harvest. It took place in the early colonies and pilgrims and native americans shared the meal together. The native americans had shown the pilgrims how to grow food in this land, thus fending off the starvation that had formerly ravaged them.

Secondly, while I very much enjoy a good turkey meal with all the fixings, I am not so lame as to celebrate a TURKEY! I am not celebrating the existence of the turkey nor the consumption of the turkey. Thanksgiving would still be entirely complete if we ate spagetti...with good old beef meatballs!

For me, Thanksgiving is a time to spend with loved ones, reflecting on all that we have to be thankful for. We have been blessed on so many levels and my heart is filled with thanksgiving. This one day out of the year is set aside as a reminder not to take those blessings for granted. Thank you God! You have been so good to us.

Short Career as a Wedding Coordinator

A couple weekends ago, R. and I helped some friends out by coordinating their BIG DAY! Talk about a HUGE responsibility!! It took most of last week to recover! Thankfully the wedding turned out beautifully and the happy couple are happily hitched! As for our future in wedding coordination...we've decided to retire! Smile.

Another New Friend

We have another new little friend to welcome into the world. Little Daniel was born last Thursday to some dear friends of ours here in Texas! Apparently we are in the stage of life when most of our married friends are starting their families. It's pretty exciting to get to share this wonderful experience with them and to make cute new friends! Smile. So this is Daniel and the other picture is the quilt that I made him a few months ago. Baby quilts are so much fun to make 'cause they're so little and you don't have to worry about matching someone's house! Welcome to the world little man!!!

Our New Little Friend

I just had to share pictures of our new little friend Colin! He was born on Tuesday and we got to visit and hold him on Thursday! I don't know if I've ever held such a little baby! He's such a sweetie!!!! And in the pic with just him he's wearing the little outfit we got him! Adorable!!!

Studying

For the past month I've been studying the book of Isaiah for credit in my distance education program. Isaiah is such a rich book!!! So much of what Isaiah had to say to the people of Israel is right on for us today. God told them not to look to Egypt for help and protection because He would take care of them. They were told to wait on the deliverance that would come from the Lord's Hand, not a temporary fix that would only leave them in worse shape. This is His heart for us today as well. We don't need to look elsewhere for the answers. God will save us from whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. We need only to wait and to trust.

Waiting has become a theme this week. It seems everyone I talk to says something about it and I have had numerous opportunities to minister to others along those lines as well. Waiting is probably the hardest thing for me and it involves so much. To wait one must be patient, one must trust, and one must surrender. Whoever said waiting was passive?!?

I can't help but wonder if God is preparing us for something with so much emphasis on the need to wait on Him. Right now I don't see that there's any particular area where we're waiting for anything, so it seems kind of strange that the topic keeps coming up. I simply pray that we will receive from Him and learn whatever He is trying to teach us so we can honor Him if there is a time of waiting approaching.

Goin' Gospel!

Sunday in church I sang my first solo. The fact that I had a solo isn't necessarily significant...since it's only my first for this particular church. But, the road that I've traveled in the last 15 years to this point makes Sunday's singing ever so significant. It was for me a sign of healing...healing in the places that have been wounded by my time in music 'ministry'.
The song I sang is called "Something Happens" and it's totally a Gospel song! I got to ad lib and everything!! Our church is rather large and so there was a full choir and orchestra backing me up! Talk about an adrenaline rush! It was an awesome experience!!! I feel as if a part of me that had been missing has returned! It felt so good to minister through music again! Thank you, Jesus!!!

Twenty-Two

R. and I celebrated 22 months of marriage yesterday!! It's mind boggling to think that nearly two years have gone by already!!! I'm such a blessed woman! Last night was choir practice and I was totally surprised when the choir director said there was someone there celebrating 22 months of marriage! They sang to me and then he said that R. had e-mailed him to announce it at practice. My husband is so sweet to me! Afer I came home, we had Tres Leches Cake. It's the same kind we had at our wedding and so I picked some up for us. Yum.

Are you ready for some football?!?

R. and I went to a college football game on Saturday night. It was my first ever REAL football game! (The only other game I've ever been to was for a tiny, highschool team in Montana, in the dark and I couldn't see a thing...so I'm not counting that one.) It was fun to be there with the fans and actually see the players in real life. Much more exciting than on TV. And our team won which made it all the better!! I think I must be good luck 'cause our team isn't all that great normally. I guess I'll have to go again!!! Smile.

Well...time to STUDY! I begin my first Distance Ed. class this afternoon; the book of Isaiah!! Yay!

Chica the Fuzzy Hunter

This is R's new nickname for Chica. She'll eat absolutely anything and seems to find every piece of fuzz in the house!!

It's been awhile since I posted. The last two weeks have been crazy with adjustments and change, but for the most part it's been good. I'm enjoying my new job and love working part-time! Who new it could be so good!?! Four hours a day and then freedom! Smile. I'm finally getting a start in actually doing some of the work I was hired for, but it will probably be awhile before I get the hang of everything. The CON in working just part-time is that it takes that much longer to learn anything because I'm only there half the time. I think that is the one and only draw back!

Poor little Chewie is having a hard time adjusting to my absence. I've been reading some articles online and it is apparent that he is suffering from a serious case of separation anxiety. Poor little guy!! Hopefully he'll get over it soon and we can help him adjust through some training techniques I read about.

I have officially joined the choir at our church! It's been a long time in coming, but I think it's a good move. I'm also hoping it works out to join one of the rotating worship teams! It feels really good to sing again...though I still don't look forward to practice. But then I never liked to practice what I was supposed to practice!

Any day now my first correspondence course should arrive in the mail. After a lot of consideration and research and prayer, I really think the Lord is leading me to continue my studies through my original school in Canada and to change my major. I don't know how long it will take me to finish, but when all is said and done I will have a degree in Intercultural Studies. Yay!!! I'm really excited about this and what the Lord has for these studies!! My first course will be a study on the book of Isaiah. I've always wanted to go indepth into this book so I'm really looking forward to it!!

Lots going on these days. It's been a little hard to adjust to having the additional responsibilities, but I don't think it will take long to get used to it! God is faithful!!

Blessings to all of you dear friends and family!!

EMPLOYED!!!!!

I'm very happy to write that I've been hired at the Graduate School for a part-time Admin. position!!! It's EXACTLY the hours and schedule I was praying for!!! Yay for answered prayer!!! God is so good! I start on Monday! Yippy!!!!!

The Whirlwind We Call Life

Last week R. and I helped pack up our good friends and neighbors for their move to Minnesota. The W's lived in the complex before us and even helped us move in when all we knew of each other was their names. It didn't take long though before they became friends! It's just not the same around here without them, but we're super excited for all the good things God has in store for them in this new chapter of life.

On Friday I interviewed for a part-time job at the university. Now I'm waiting anxiously to here whether they will hire me or not. It's an ideal position, just 20 hours a week, and I would have June and July off every year! I'm hoping it works out! It would be just enough $$ to pay for my correspondence courses!!! God knows!



Over the weekend we got to see some good friends from out of town. We had dinner at our traditional place, Cheddar's, and then we came back to our place to introduce our doggies. I think they took to each other well!!! It's always wonderful to see friends and catch up!

This week? I'm exhausted! Smile. All this socializing has worn me out! Not to mention an overactive brain that's processing the changes just around the corner with the start of classes and possible employment. I love change because it keeps life interesting, but it seems that as the years go by it's harder to be flexible and adjust to it! Oh well. Life certainly isn't boring lately!!!!

Safely Home

Many of you have joined with us in prayer for little Hudson Taylor over the past year. After six months of cancer treatment, he was able to go home and be with his family for six healthy months. Last week he returned to the hospital for a checkup and doctors discovered that the cancer had returned and filled his little body. On Saturday he entered eternity and is safely home with Jesus. Please keep his family in prayer as they grieve the loss of his presence with them.

Austin City Limits

Last week R. attended a conference in Austin for his job and I got to go along and relax!! We stayed at a beautiful hotel, ate fabulous food, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! Here's a picture of the courtyard at our hotel! Think Spanish Villa! Oh yeah!

We tried out some local restaurants, including Whole Foods, the biggest organic grocery ever! I had roasted lamb and homemade macaroni and cheese! We visited a music store that carried every artist one could hope to find!! I found a couple CD's by artists I've been looking for everywhere, Rosie Thomas and Vienna Teng. Fabulous, fabulous!!!
Here's a picture of our resourcefulness! When I made the reservations, I think I must have gotten a little mixed up about double occupancy vs. double beds. Alas, we ended up with two double beds! So, we created the biggest King possible!!! Smile.

Driving to dinner one night we followed this woman on her moped. It's kind of hard to see, but if you look closely you'll notice that she's wearing high heels!!! Go figure! I would have changed I think, but it made for a good laugh for us!

We checked out the night life on our last night there. Club after club of every kind of music. We first ended up in this piano bar...and got out of there as quickly as possible!!!! Then we went to another place that looked like something out of a science fiction movie with the blacklights and disco ball. R. got a chance to show off his dancing skills and I got to enjoy dancing with such a great dancer.
Overall, it was great fun! A nice chance to get away!!

The Sound of Texas

It's funny how the little things are what make a place endearing. The rain has slowed down a bit and Summer has arrived here in the grand state of Texas. It goes without saying that it's HOT! Evenings are my favorite time of day. It cools down and there's usually a breeze that makes it pleasant to be outside. And the cicadas go crazy!!! That's one of the things I love about living here is the sound of the cicadas! Who would ever guess that such a loud noise could be made by a bug!!!! Random! But it totally makes me smile! And it takes me back to being a little girl in Iowa in the hot Summer and hearing the cicadas sing their song. It's a sound of home.

Running Out of Patience

We have this dilemma. Our cute, adorable, little doggies who are so angelic and wonderfully behaved during the day, turn into little monsters sometime after the stroke of midnight. Last night Chica started barking at howling around 1:30am and it was close to 4am before I could get back to sleep. If this was just a one time event it wouldn't be so bad, but it's been a rerun every night for a number of nights now. And, to top it all off, she pees in her kennel nearly every night as well.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

If you have a dog that doesn't have these horrid habits, please tell me what you did!!!!!

The R & M Adventures

Smile. R. and I spent the 4th of July holiday visiting his family in E. Texas. If you've been watching the news, you know that Texas has been drowning in rain and there's been considerable flooding in the state. Thankfully we haven't had any trouble where we live. But, on our drive home yesterday we ran into heavy rain that caused us to pull over and wait until we could see to continue. That made for a good time to take a nap! However, when the rain slowed and we headed off down the road we encountered another water related difficulty. Apparently the highway decided to see what it would be like to be a lake instead. Crazy people were driving through it...and we couldn't help but wonder how their vehicles fared later on!!! We decided to be smart and wait it out or find an alternate route. The craziest things was that a couple hours later when we drove back to where the road was closed, it was open and the water was gone!!! Random! We're both glad to be home safe and sound.

The motto here is: "Turn around, don't drown!"

I finally have my cake and eat it too!

R. got me a computer program called CAKEWALK for our first married Christmas...in 2005. Initially we found out my computer didn't have enough space. So we got it some more. Then we realized that if I was going to record music and put it on a CD that I should have a burner. So we got it a burner. Then we realized it still didn't work...no sound would come out at all. For my birthday R. talked with a guy who uses this program and come to find out we had the wrong MIDI machine. So, R. got me a different one. But then I've been too intimidated to use it! Each time I'd open up the program to give it a try, I would see all of the buttons and options and simply close it out with frustration. Where to begin? But today I finally did it!!! I recorded one of my own songs using my keyboard and the computer!!!!! I still have a long way to go as far as figuring out how it all works and putting multiple tracks together, but I've jumped a huge hurdle in just sitting down to use it!!! I must say that I feel proud of myself! I actually did it!!!!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

I read this verse today that really spells out the contrast between the phony and genuine lovers of God that I mentioned in my last post. 2 Corinthians 2:17 (NRSV) says "For we are not peddlers of God's word like so many; but in Christ we speak as persons of sincerity, as persons sent from God and standing in His presence." That's it!! That's the person I want to be! One that speaks with sincerity as standing in the very presence of the Lord! To live from that place of fellowship with God. That's what I'm talkin' about!

In the past couple days God has really been faithful to answer prayer and to give me a heart to pray. After hearing a sermon a few weeks ago by the pastor who married us, I have been reminded of the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives as Christians. I had been completely neglecting the gifts He has given me and the power that comes from Him!!! In the sermon I mentioned he spoke on 1 Cor. 14. In this chapter Paul calls us to strive for spiritual gifts. He then goes on to write specifically about praying in the spirit and prophecy. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten about praying in the spirit and this sermon reminded me of how important that is and the priviledge we have to communicate with God in this way! This feels like a fresh start toward getting back to the place of love for the Lord that I've been missing.

All glory to Jesus for His indescribable gifts and His faithfulness...moment by moment.

First Love

How does one regain the passion and zeal for the Lord of years past? This has been my question lately as I have realized that my love for the Lord doesn't have the fervor it once did. I still love the Lord and desire to follow Him, but He feels incredibly distant and has for awhile.

One of the biggest dilemmas I find is that I dislike much of what the organized church has become and I don't want to associate myself with that image. As a result, I find myself in conflict over what is a true and a genuine representation of living for the Lord, and what is simply playing church. Church in general has become so cliche'. Jesus was real and genuine. Somewhere we've gotten off track. So how do we take hold of the truths of Scripture for all of their depth and power and truth, in spite of the fact that so many of these truths have been diminished by the flippant and off-handed use of them? I guess what it boils down to for me is separating the religion from my relationship with God. I hate religion and nothing seems more irrelevant to me and to the culture we live in than religion.

How do I take hold of the truth of Who God is, when so many that claim to speak for Him misrepresent Him? It's hard to make this separation! I want to be alive with passion for God and for His will!! But I want that to be more than saying the right things, going to church, singing in the choir, following a list of dos and don'ts! I don't want to be part of a club! I want a living and vibrant relationship with God!!! What does that look like and how do I get there?

Time for a Change

I've decided that I am a short hair kind of gal. Long hair is first of all way too much work. It is secondly far too hot for the state of Texas. And lastly, believe it or not, it's just too heavy to carry around on this long neck. So after being inspired by conversation with my sister, I decided to get my hair cut today. She did too, by the way! Smile!! Yippy!!! I feel cute again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grateful

Yesterday a good friend put up two ceiling fans in our apartment. I'm so incredibly grateful!!! Our place is already much more comfortable and last night we had the air-conditioning up 5 degrees warmer and we slept great! Thank goodness for people with talents different from mine who can do those things I can't!! Thank goodness for lower electric bills!!! I'm claiming it in advance!!!!!!

Domestic Goddess

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog. A lot has been going on, but I think the reason I haven't written is that I didn't have anything ready to say. All sorts of thoughts have been swirling around in my head, but none were ready to come out.

Summer is here in the grand state of Texas and it's already pretty HOT! I think I notice it more this year for two reasons. One, I'm not freezing my butt of in a refrigerated office, and two, I'm out in the great outdoors more frequently to take the dogs out. Needless to say, it's HOT and it's great and I'm glad to be here.

The dogs are wonderful. I think R. and I have finally adjusted to having them. Now I'm less paranoid and more just enjoying their cute little personalities and their company. And we're so glad we got both of them! Chewie is my little shadow. He follows me every time I leave the room. Chica is our little princess and always has an ecstatic greeting whenever we come home. We're glad to be doggy parents...now that the initial transition is past! Smile.

Personally I think it's safe to say that I'm in limbo. Every time I think I know what's next I realize that I'm not really sure. I certainly know that I want to sing and to sing my own songs! I wrote a new song for R. for his birthday and have been working on another one the last couple weeks. It's all about baby steps and one at a time at that. I've decided to start participating in our church choir this summer. Because summers are so busy and so many people travel, they're not having choir practice so it's a good time for me to get my feet wet without having such a big time commitment. I'm still thinking about school. I'd like to finish my BA even if it's just for the sake of having a degree. And I'm leaning more and more away from music when it comes to my degree. I know I don't want to study any more classical music and for a BA that's all that's really offered around here. So...limbo...I'm not sure where that leaves me.

OH, about the Domestic Goddess. That's me! I have a new title!! It's been a bit of a quandry lately to know what to tell people I meet when they ask me what I do. So thanks to one of Robert's co-workers, I've stolen his phrase and am using it for myself. I think it will come in handy. Our culture is so obsessed with what we do that the question comes up frequently.

So, there's an update of sorts. Overall, life is good. There's a contentment and quietness to this time even in the face of the questions and the unknown. And it's summer. For the first time in a long time I get to experience summer vacation! Alright!!!

First Night

We brought our new pups home on Saturday. It was a bit of a traumatic experience for all of us!! But, we all are adjusting quite well.

Saturday morning found us up earlier than normal and on the way to pick them up. As we were driving to Fuzzy Friends we received a phone call from them. They said the dogs had been given their vaccinations and Chica had a reaction so they took her to the vet. That totally freaked us out as we wondered if she was going to be okay. We arrived right in the middle of their big open house so there were people EVERYWHERE! We got Chewie and hung around a bit until Chica came back. Come to find out it's not uncommon for a dog to react to a vaccine and we just had to give her Benadryl every four hours her first day home. Phew, that was a relief!

They've been really good and it's obvious they've lived in a house before and understand what 'no' means and that they should stay on their bed. Our first night was a little rough. They howled and barked all pickin' night long! Not much sleep to be had around here! But thankfully last night after the initial fussing, they slept soundly. We're not sure if they just figured it out, or if it was because we wore them out with a long walk!!!!

Overall I'm glad we got them, though I have to admit to moments when I wonder about our sanity!!! What were we thinking?!?!? But it's good for us and they needed a good home, so in the end we all win!!

Meet Our Fuzzy Friends

For my birthday R. decided to get me a puppy. We've been talking about it for awhile and now seemed a good time. So, we went to the Fuzzy Friends Animal Rescue last weekend to see if they had any small dogs. They did and we fell in love...with two of them!!! Surprise! So it's happy birthday to both of us since our birthdays are just four days apart! We get to pick them up this Saturday. Meet Chewie (the chocolate guy) and Chica!!!

An Overzealous Ticker

I went to the doctor last week for an earache. He said it was allergies and perscribed another allergy medicine in addition to the one I'm already taking. Well, starting Friday and then ever since, I've been having frequent heart palpitations. Monday found me back at the doctor to figure out what's going on. Thankfully my little heart performed its gymnastics and they were able to observe what's happening while I was hooked up to the EKG machine! I was concerned that it would be like going to the mechanic and your car simply won't act up for them to see the problem! But, they saw it.

Doc thinks it might just be overstimulated with my allergy meds in addition to drinking caffeine. So...I've been advised to quit all of those things. Needless to say, I'm a little on the sleepy side this week. I haven't had any caffeine today. Yesterday was half the caff. I'm really hoping that Doc is right and this is all it is. It's hard not to be anxious when it feels like my heart has done a flip in my chest!!! Please keep this is prayer! I don't want anything serious to be wrong with me!!!

Dare to Dream

I've been giving a lot of thought in the past couple months to what I want to do with my life, particularly the next step. At the forefront of this contemplation has been the question, "What is my dream"? It was a scary realization to find that I didn't know. If given a chance to do anything I wanted without any concern for money or time, I had no idea what I would do.

There's a Proverb that says something like, "for lack of vision the people perish". I don't know that I completely grasp the significance of this verse, but to some extent I can understand through my own situation. It's discouraging at the least to lack any vision for the future; to have no goals and no sense of purpose.

I'm not posting this to say that I have it figured out now and I know what I'm going to do. But I have rediscovered a dream that I buried a long time ago. Since I was very young I have wanted to be a recording artist and share my songs to whoever wanted to listen. This desire has always been there, but being the practical person I am, I gave up on it because I thought I had to pursue a more reliable career instead. I gave up on my dream. I think at the root of my practicality was, and is, the fear that I will follow that dream only to fail. Fear of failure has paralyzed any movement toward making this dream a reality.

I still don't know how to get there. The nuts and bolts of becoming a recording artist still escape me. However, the dream is reawakening, thanks in large part to my husband who's my biggest fan. So I'm gonna try. It may be really slow going, but I want to follow this dream even though it scares me to death!

Temping

There is something to be said for temp jobs! I'm temping today for the university where I was once employed. It's just a one day job and all I have to do is answer the phone and then whatever I want as long as I hold down the fort. The best thing besides getting paid to read, is that whatever I do, I'm the life-saver that helped them out of a bind. I'm the good guy, 'cause nobody expects me to know what I'm doing! NO pressure! ZERO! It's splendid! I wish every job would have the freedom to do my best and have that actually be enough! Because it has certainly been my experience that the worst part about most jobs is the boss or the supervisor that always seems to demand a little something more. I think it's a control thing! So, yay for temporary!!!!!!

Just Saying Hello

So...I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog lately. I think it has something to do with not sitting at a computer 8 hours a day. (Hallelujah!) And, something else to do with the phase I'm in right now. Lots of processing and defragmentation going on these days. I'm getting a better picture of what's next for me...but you'll have to wait to find out! smile. All in all, life is wonderful and I'm so thankful for all the blessings God has given to us! It's far more than I deserve!!!!

Blessings!

Too Precious for Words

This is R. and the precious bundle belongs to friends of ours who are also a mixed couple. Holding that sweet little miss was a little taste of how sweet it will be to be a parent.

Growth

I don't often recognize growth as it is happening, but looking back over the past few weeks, it is evident in me. I suppose this is true in much of life. One can see that a tree grows taller and yet not be witness to the actual growing of the tree. The Lord can be such a gentle gardener! Though I'm sure that I'm not aware of all the Lord has been doing in me, I can see that my heart has softened and that my concern about what people think of me has diminished. There is a stillness in me that wasn't there before and I am thankful for the working of the Lord. I still don't have a clear vision about what He has for me, but I see how important this time is and that there is much value in my care of our home and my sweet husband.

It's funny to think that in generations past it was the norm for a wife to remain at home and care for the household. I was concerned that I would soon grow bored, but instead find that I'm far busier than I imagined. I'm all for progress and for women to have the option to pursue education and a career, but I think that even in the midst of that it is important to retain an appreciation for a simpler, less-spotlighted life. I'm learning that there is something to be said for the behind-the-scenes roles. They are no less important than those on center stage.

I don't know if this is where God has brought me, or if it's just a place along the way, but it has been good for me and I'm glad to experience this time. It has helped me to live in the now instead of always striving for what comes next. That's something I've prayed for for a long time.....

Winter Weather Advisory

It's Easter weekend and for the first time in 60 years...it's snowing! I was upstairs reading a book and thought there must be a mid-air bird fight with feathers flying, until the "feathers" kept coming and I realized it was actually snowing! (I have never seen nor heard of a mid-air bird fight, but we haven't had snow here but once in the two years I've lived here so that didn't initially enter my head as a possibility!) It's been coming down quite liberally with large flakes all afternoon. The grass has even turned white! Very strange.

R. and I are having a winter weather advisory this evening as well. I hate it when we argue and misunderstand each other! And I don't understand why it happens when we love each other so much! But it does, nonetheless! Needless to say, we're both a bit chilly this evening. Sigh. Did I mention that I HATE winter?!?!?

I've always been a delayed reactor.

It's been a couple of weeks since I learned that I wasn't accepted into the University's School of Music. I still have an unexplained peace and believe that the door was closed for a reason, but sadness has had a chance to catch up with me. Last week I sat at the piano and was surprised by the presence of tears as I started to sing.

Music is like a dear friend who has hurt me deeply. I value the friendship immensely and certainly will work to rebuild the relationship, but I'm not quite ready to move forward yet. The wound is too fresh and it will take time before I'm ready to trust again and put myself out there to be vulnerable.

Nevertheless I'm making progress. With the help and encouragement from my sweet husband, I'm beginning to understand what this time is about. One might say I'm on sabbatical to press in with the Lord in order to understand what He has for me; what He has purposed for my life's course. It's about learning not striving to DO, but simply to BE. Not an easy thing for a doer who doesn't like to sit still, but I know I need this.

What happens next? I have absolutely NO IDEA! And for perhaps the first time in my life, that's okay. I've wasted too much time living for the next thing. Now that there isn't a next thing in my sights, I find that I'm actually living today and finding joy in what is. And so I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the richness of all God is doing in me. I'm thankful for the most precious husband. I'm thankful for this time and chance to grow up in Christ; to know Him more deeply than ever before. Thank you, Jesus, for WHO You are and for WHO You have made me to be.........

People Pleasers Anonymous

Perhaps there should be a support group similiar in scope to AA for those of us who wrestle under the oppression of pleasing people. "I am a pleasaholic" would commence the arduous journey toward freedom from caring what other people think.

I am a people pleaser and I come by it honestly. I have observed this burden first-hand in my mom and grandma, and would venture to guess it can be traced back much farther than that. "But what will so and so think if we"...fill in the blank...buy this piece of furniture, go on that vacation, attend this church or school, wear this item of clothing, and on and on and on. I'm sure you can relate since this trait is not unique to my family.

Particularly in this season of my life, I realize how much thought I give to the opinions of others. And the incredibly odd thing about it is that those opinions I seem to be most worried about are not from those people who truly know and care about me, but about those on the fringes that ultimately have nothing to do with my life or have any legitimate say in what I do or don't do whatsoever!

Yesterday I read this verse in Gal. 1:10 (NRSV) "Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ." First of all, they were struggling with this same thing over 2,000 years ago! It's not new and it was just as debilitating then as it is now!!! Second, the very reality of being a servant of Christ is in direct contradiction to pleasing people. The fact that I love Jesus means the person I now am and the life I live is already out of favor. Now I'm not talking about the much-heard talk about "those people" in the world, "they", who don't like us Christians because.....etc. But think about it. If I truly lived in the fullness of who I am in Christ, of Who HE is, then it is impossible to please even fellow Christians. At some point, a choice or decision I make will step on somebody's toes or fly in the face of what culture, even Christian culture, has deemed acceptable.

I'm sure that I'm not making complete sense since I hardly grasp this concept in my own mind, but hang on with me! How to put this in words...... Take any one of the many characteristics of Christ as an example. Forgiveness. Consider the woman whose husband leaves her for another woman. She's left with three kids to take care of on a meager income and he can't even make it to the bank on time with the paltry sum he puts in whenever he feels like it. It's been years since he left.

Culture, even Christian culture, says "divorce him". "He committed adultery so you have Biblical grounds, what on earth are you waiting for?" "Do you really think he's going to change?" "It's time to move on!" But this woman continues to love her husband and would readily take him back if he would come. She is living the radical forgiveness of Christ. But pleasing people? No. Her friends and co-workers tease her about meeting someone new. Her mom and aunts and cousins try to pressure her to get a divorce. And yet she's pleasing God with her choice to remain faithful to the marriage vows she made. The decision that she made between herself and God, not at the pressure of anybody else.

It's my prayer that as I contemplate the next step for me regarding school and the future, that I will be set free from caring what other people think about what I do and that I will concern myself only with pleasing the Lord. That might mean studying something contrary to someone else's opinion, or choosing not to return to school at all. Whatever it is, I want to know that God is pleased with me and that I have been obedient to His will and purpose for my life.

Life is Beautiful!

Today is my last day as an HR Assistant!!!!! It is the end of the 8 to 5 grind and the beginning…of the rest of my life! Smile. I’m so excited to be leaving behind the endless monotony of mindless paperwork, a windowless office, a moody boss, and the confinement of spending every day glued to my computer screen. Of course, I will miss those co-workers that have become my friends, who have supported me through R’s Bar passing and job search! But, true friends remain even when circumstances change and so I’m not leaving them behind, really.

And now the beginning of the next adventure!! The thrill is in the unknown of what that will look like. My hope is that it includes song-writing, school, and in time, a sweet bundle of baby. Hurray for change and for God’s faithfulness and care for us!

Life is beautiful!

Ground to a Screeching Halt

I found out yesterday that I was NOT accepted into the music program here at the university. I haven’t received the official letter yet, but I inquired by e-mail to a woman I know who works in the department. I think I read her e-mail half a dozen times just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it. I still can hardly believe it! I wasn’t at all concerned about getting into the music school! I was more concerned about the size of the scholarship they would give me!

I haven’t really reacted emotionally yet, which is surprising because I’ve been emotional lately anyway. More surprising is that I almost feel relieved by the news, which only serves to flabbergast me more! While I don’t understand why I wasn’t accepted, I do have a peace that the Lord has a purpose in it. Perhaps He closed the door because there’s another door for me to walk through!

Meanwhile, “the plan” if I can call it that, is to still begin classes this summer, but to focus on my general courses until I know more. I think the hardest part is not knowing….anything……..about what I’m supposed to do now. Then again, it kind of feels good not to have everything so planned out. I never really wanted just a normal life, but to do great things for the Lord. Somewhere along the way I think I lost sight of that. Maybe this is a chance to gain new insight into what He has in store. It’s kind of exciting and scary all at the same time.

GRACE

So, I started this post with a vent about a co-worker that’s on my nerves, but then I realized how ungracious my words were and decided it was neither edifying nor beneficial. That got me thinking about GRACE and how little I extend to those who irritate me or are unkind. I realize there is a direct connection between love and grace. I’m much more willing to give grace to someone I love and have formed a friendship with. So, if I want to be a more gracious person, then I first must learn how to love people. And not just the people I like who are nice to me. Ugh. I’m gonna need a lot of help with this one!!

A Sigh of Relief

Saturday was my audition to get into the music program here. I arrived at the music building at 7:45am to sign in and fill out some paperwork. Then we all met together with the music faculty to hear a bit more about the school. A couple of seniors performed (amazingly!) a piece by Verdi from the opera workshop. I have to admit this was pretty intimidating right before an audition!! But, I was impressed and inspired as well!!! After this I warmed up, again, in a practice room, went over each of my pieces with the accompanist who was incredible, and then waited for my turn to come. I auditioned at 10:25am before eight faculty members. I'm so thankful this wasn't my first experience of this kind or I would have been totally discouraged! As is typical for this kind of thing, the "judges" remained impassive and showed no emotion during my performance. However, I feel good about the songs and think I did my best. Now I wait to hear what they thought of me!!! They said I should know their conclusion in a week to ten days. Meanwhile, I am totally relieved to have this over and done with!!!! Saturday following my audition was absolutely wonderful and relaxing!!! And a HUGE sigh of relief!!!

Out of the fog so to speak.

I’m contemplative this morning. I guess the words of a friend have started the juices flowing. I’m thinking about emotions and change and fear and the future, not necessarily in that order. Lately I have been obsessing about my upcoming audition and other changes taking place in the coming weeks. I hate that I get like this when I’m stressed about something. It’s almost as if I get tunnel vision and I forget that anything or anyone exists outside the bubble of what’s going on with me.

Yesterday I was praying for the salvation of a co-worker and realized how long it’s been since I looked outside myself and thought of the needs, the much bigger needs, of those around me. I wish I was more calm and collected and didn’t get so nervous about new or different things. But is anyone really as placid and serene as they appear, or do we all wrestle with emotions that choke out everything else? I suspect that we’re all very much the same deep inside.

In spite of the seemingly depressing thoughts, I’m actually quite encouraged today. It feels good to sort of wake up on the inside. I’m reminded of the Lord’s great love for us, His kids, and of the beauty of life and all it holds. There’s so much more He has for us that we don’t see! So much more! I want my heart to come alive in the light of this truth! In His presence….so much more!

Change

Change is wonderful and motivating and inspiring and I’m so thankful for it.........................and I’m totally worn out!! R. started his new job on Wednesday and it’s been a flurry of activity ever since! Little sleep and big change make for frazzled nerves and the grumps.

And……

Tomorrow is (gulp) one week from my audition. No wonder my stomach is all in knots!! I will be glad when it’s behind me even though I feel confident that it will go well. I’m just ready to be done with it and move on! I’m sure it doesn’t help my nerves that the flu is going around! And not the tummy flu, but the congestion and aches kind of flu. Everywhere I turn somebody has it and if I get it, singing will not be possible. Alas, that’s totally out of my control so I need to just let it go.

To top it all off is the upcoming transition in my own employment status. The transition is much anticipated but I’m not looking forward to breaking the news to the boss. AH! Wake me up when it’s over!!!!!

Thank goodness today is Friday!!!!!

This is why I like Texas..........

A Record to Break!

My grandparents just celebrated 60 years of marriage!!! In an age when marriage has become disposable, this is a record to be sure! And I’m thankful to have such a heritage! R and I are both blessed to have parents that have remained committed to each other over the years and I’m certain that is due at least in part to their parents. A living example!

But records are meant to be broken and so we intend to do just that! So we say, we’ll meet your 60 and raise it by 20!! Happy Anniversary Grandma & Grandpa!!!! You make us all proud!!

Gotta Brag Once in Awhile.....

I just have to brag on my sweet husband and the precious Valentine’s Day he gave me! It started with a single, red rose before we were even out of bed yesterday morning. Along with a kiss of course!! Then his gift to me was our wedding vows that he printed, framed and matted himself. They are now hanging on our living room wall! At lunch time, he showed up at work with a dozen red roses and a sweet note! After work…dinner at a restaurant we’ve wanted to try just off the river. And there’s more! We arrive home and I find a trail of rose petals leading up the stairs and vases of roses all over in our bedroom. To top off the evening we watched a sweet, romantic movie that he let me pick (The Lake House with Sandra Bullock…check it out, it’s great!). I feel like a princess and am so thankful for the precious husband God has given me! Marriage with him makes every day feel like Valentine’s Day.
A celebration of LOVE…………………….

Perfect Timing!

Not too early so that we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn the lessons in trust and experience deepened relationship with the Lord…….
Not too late so that we couldn’t pay the bills…….
The Lord provided the most ideal job for R. at just the right time! We’re so very thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness and provision!!!
Thank you to all of you who prayed for and encouraged us in the waiting! We are blessed indeed.

“I think He’s talking to ME!”

God has my number! It started with Thursday when I took a mental/emotional sick day off from work. I’ve been depressed lately with my impatience and concern about when and where R. will get a job and this depression has carried over in our marriage and my walk with the Lord and my whole outlook on life.

Thursday morning found me sitting on the couch with Bible in hand and much on my heart. In addition to feeling frustrated about waiting for a job to open up for R., I felt like I had somehow let the Lord down and that I had blown it by not being strong and confident in Him. My prayer was for the Lord to show me His grace! I immediately recalled the verse in Isaiah about waiting on the Lord and flying on wings like eagles. The significance to me, though, was in one of the preceding verses where it says,

“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and strengthens the powerless.” (Is. 40:28,29)

His understanding is unsearchable….He’s not angry with me! He doesn’t despise my weakness and frailty!! This and numerous other verses and time in worship helped to lift my spirits and encourage my heart.

Still, on Sunday morning I woke up overwhelmed that the weekend was almost over and there was so much yet to do before Monday rolled around. In retrospect I think that the devil was trying to discourage me from going to church and receiving a blessing!! In Sunday School we were talking about fear and how God despises fear because it separates us in our relationship with Him unlike anything else. That was one of those light-bulb moments for me when I connected the dots based on other familiar Scriptures. I’ll explain.

We are called to fear the Lord and told that this is the beginning of Wisdom. The Lord is the only One we are to fear because He is sovereign over all things. When we fear something that is under His control and dominion, we are exalting that person or situation as more powerful than God. That is why He cannot abide fear in our hearts.

Then fast-forward to the main service. Pastor was talking about trust and what hinders us from trusting the Lord, etc. A statement he made continues to roll around in my head. He said that if we’re looking for the “next thing” to make us happy, (whether that’s marriage, or a new job, or moving to a different location) then we’re not trusting the Lord and finding our happiness in Him and we have raised up that “next thing” as an idol in our hearts. Ouch. It’s true. And I’ve totally been doing that. I’ve been holding out for R. to find a job with the idea that then we’ll have “arrived” and everything will be wonderful and happy. I’ve made his job an idol in my heart. Ouch again.

Today I am thankful. The Lord has been ministering and speaking to my heart. Some of it is hard stuff, but there’s the underlying truth that He loves me so very much. He cares for me with the heart of a Father. That’s so much bigger than my weaknesses and frailty and happiness and employment. It’s all gonna be okay as long as I keep my eyes on Jesus.

“It will be said on that day,
Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, so that he might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” (Is. 25:9)

Real People...Real Stories

I waited on an Iranian student yesterday. He was polite and friendly, spoke English well, and was dressed like any other college guy. We hear so much today about Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, and the list goes on. The Middle East is a hot topic in the West. With all the talk, it’s easy to forget that within each of these countries are individuals very much like you and I. They have their own unique personalities, interests, talents, dreams, and hopes. They know what it is to fall in love, to rejoice at the birth of a child, to sorrow at the loss of a friend or family member. As children, they played make-believe, went to school, helped out with chores, and likely fought with their siblings. They’re real people with real faces and real stories.

Certainly we hear a lot about those in the Middle East who are terrorists and militants. Their motivation is hatred and they’re not above the murder of the innocent for their own cause and agenda. They’ve caught the public eye because their actions are public and eye-catching. But in the midst of those who are bent upon evil, is the father trying his best to provide for his family, the mother praying that the children will be sheltered from harm, the boy who wants only to play ball in the streets, the girl who doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed to visit her friends after school. They’re real people with real faces and real stories.

They could be me and you………….

Time to Regroup

Saturday was a nearly perfect day spent with my sweetheart. With all the stresses surrounding R’s job search, we realized we needed to take the time to focus on each other and regroup. So we left the television off and spent quality time together. We took a walk in the park, went for a drive, had time in the Word and worship, and just talked a lot about anything and everything. We needed that. It was good to focus on the wonderful blessing with have in each other, rather than putting all our attention on what we don’t have in employment. And we truly have much to be thankful for!!!!!

The Fixed Land

"As soon as you had taken away the Evil One," she said, " and I awoke from sleep, my mind was cleared. It is a wonder to me, Piebald, that for all those days you and I could have been so young. The reason for not yet living on the Fixed Land is now so plain. How could I wish to live there except because it was Fixed? And why should I desire the Fixed except to make sure - to be able on one day to command where I should be the next and what should happen to me? It was to reject the wave - to draw my hands out of Maleldil's, to say to Him, 'Not thus, but thus' - to put in our own power what times should roll towards us...as if you gathered fruits together to-day for to-morrow's eating instead of taking what came. That would have been cold love and feeble trust. And out of it how could we ever have climbed back into love and trust again?"
- Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis

I've been looking for the Fixed Land and wondering why we're not allowed to live there now. Instead of resting in the security of His faithful provision for each day, I've looked to command where we'll be and what will happen to us. Cold love and feeble trust....

Why is it so difficult to trust the One Who defines faithfulness; the One Who has never let us down at any point in our lives? I so want to trust and simply rest in His care, but it's difficult with the passage of time. All the same, I'm sure I'll look back on this struggle and wonder why I was so freaked out, when we finally see what He has for us. I do know it's all going to be alright and that this time of waiting serves a purpose for our good.

Lord, help us to be faithful as we wait upon You!!!!! You are our refuge and hope. We place our lives and our future in Your Hands. Please lead and guide us! Please illuminate the path so that our steps will be sure and without injury. Keep us in Your care. We look to You, Lord Jesus.

Hard Not to See

We continue to wait for news regarding employment for R. It’s been two weeks since his interview and so far we know nothing of the outcome, nor of any other doors for an attorney position. Meanwhile, the end of the month is almost here and that means the end of R’s current job.

Most days I feel at peace that the Lord is taking care of us. But there are times when anxiety rises up in me and I wonder how on earth we’re gonna pay our bills and if there really is a door that will open up for us before our savings runs out. I know the waiting is serving a purpose. I guess if I think about it as a servant, then it reminds me Who is the Master. It’s just hard sometimes not to see what’s coming or when.

Lord, give us strength to wait upon You and to trust!!

Ice Day

I’m told it only happens once every couple of years, but I was pretty glad to experience an ice day here in Texas. No one here knows how to drive in ice and slush so schools and businesses closed down for the day, which meant that R. and I enjoyed relaxing time in the comfort of our little home. We kept the fireplace stocked all day, watched a couple movies, baked muffins, took a nap. It was perfect! I don’t remember many snow days while growing up in the north. Since we home-schooled, it didn’t matter if the weather outside was nasty, the books were still available. Now I feel somehow recompensed for missing out on those days off! Smile. I could get used to a mid-week break!!!

Cold & Cloudy

It's cold and cloudy outside. At least it's not raining at the moment. Still, days like this make me feel unmotivated and somewhat blue. Of course, I don't really need to feel motivated on a Sunday, but I do hate this listlessness I feel nonetheless. I read a friend's blog today and it helped. It's encouraging to know that my feelings are common to humanity and not just my exclusive dysfuntion. We're all strugglers...at least on this side of eternity. All of us are lacking within ourselves. The beauty is that God loves us with full knowledge of our failures and sin. Thank goodness for His faithfulness and consistency. Check out my college buddy's blog and her entry for January 7th. It's good stuff!!
http://www.xanga.com/romanstwelvenine

In the midst

My heart is full this morning. As of right now nothing has changed in our situation and yet I am so thankful to be in this moment in time. R. and I talked last night and discovered that we both sense that God is doing good things in us as we wait and rely upon Him. Regardless of whether R. gets this job or not, it is apparent that whatever position he is placed in, it will not be as a result of his abilities or training, but from the Lord’s Hand. Pressing in to Jesus reminds me of the fullness to be found and known in Him and that the opening and closing of doors are for a greater purpose than just getting a good job. It’s about His glory and His kingdom. In the midst of the waiting and unknown there is peace in Jesus. He has it all in control.

A closed or open door?

Just over a week ago R. woke up and told me that he’d just had a dream about a position he’d applied for. In his dream he spoke with someone within the office regarding his application and was told that his application looked good and he didn’t need to do anything else to it. Also in the dream he received a letter stating that he would be contacted for an interview within the week.

Two days later R. received a phone call from this same office to set up an interview.

Yesterday was interview day. It lasted two hours and R. was pretty worn out when it was all over. He felt he answered their questions well and was true to who he is, yet he came away not really knowing what they thought of him. Still, it’s affirming to know that out of 100 applicants, he was one of only 9 selected to interview and that he was recommended by people he didn’t even know knew he had applied for the job.

So now we wait again and trust the Lord to open the door He has for us. It could be this one, it could not, but I know there is a door and it will be opened. The Lord is faithful. We choose to trust Him.

Please keep praying………….

Freedom Writers - A Must See!

R. and I went to see "Freedom Writers" Saturday night in the theatre. It's an incredible true story that happened in the mid-to-late 90's about a white school teacher who impacts the lives of her inner-city students in a big way!! It was inspiring to see how one person could make such a difference. Go see it! It's great!
http://www.freedomwritersmovie.com/

Bottom Line

God has me here

at this place

on purpose

for a reason.

All He asks

is that I am faithful

and obedient.

Heartsick

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
– Proverbs 13:12

Yesterday I had to decline the financial aid offered to me that would have allowed me to attend Baylor full-time this semester. That combined with coming back to work after a wonderful break and time with family that was much anticipated, has resulted in discouragement and discontent in me. Although I know I have much to be thankful for, I’m having trouble shaking these feelings. I guess one could say my heart feels a little sick. Sigh. Please pray for me and for R. We could both use some encouragement and R. is still seeking an attorney position. Please pray a door will open soon.

Breathtaking!

We spent Christmas in Montana with my parents and sister. It was wonderful to be with them for the holidays and we were able to stay for an entire week. There’s something about going to the old home-place that brings me back in time as if I never left. Mom outdid herself with all sorts of luscious foods, including my favorite, rhubarb pie. Only Mom can make a proper rhubarb pie. Dad entertained us with British mysteries and skunked R. in a long game of board football. Sorry, sweetie. My sis (what can I say?) was her usual adorable self. It was great to be back!

Below are a few pictures. Ah, mountains! Only in the Northwest!

Mt. Ranier in WA from the airplane