At the end of said rope

A week from tomorrow R. takes the Bar Exam, the study of which has consumed both of us for the past three months. To be honest, it kinda feels like those three months were stolen from us. I just want my husband back; without the stress, without the strict time constraints. I feel selfish to be complaining about what I'm dealing with, knowing that he is working so very hard. But, I'm realizing how much I am affected by what he's going through.

Yesterday morning I cracked and hurt R's feelings in the process. Why did I do that? Why now, when the long dark tunnel finally has the glimmer of daylight? Needless to say, I'm more than a little disappointed with myself. I've been trying so hard to be strong and be an encourager to him. Sigh. Thankfully today is a new day and R. has forgiven me.

Please keep us both in prayer as we wrap up the studies and the waiting. Pray that I won't hold resentment in my heart about lost time. And most importantly, please pray R. nails the exam to the wall and for his confidence and continued perseverance as he finishes.

Hudson Taylor

Hudson Taylor was the first missionary to the interior of China and founder of the China Inland Mission. He learned to trust the Lord for everything and paved a path for others to come share the Gospel in China.

Today another by the name of Hudson Taylor is in need of prayer. Little Hudson is less than a year old and awaiting surgery for a cancerous tumor at the base of his spine. Please pray for him and his family.

Never a dull moment

So, when God says relating to others is like iron sharpening iron, I wonder if the code phrase for that is 'customer service'. People are unbelievable sometimes and it's amazing how many are worried that someone else got it easier than them! "Well so and so came in and they only had to...blah, blah, blah, blah."

I mentioned to a co-worker that sometimes I think the perfect job would be one that didn't involve customer service. She said that she has found that serving customers sharpens her, like iron sharpening iron. Well, it's never dull, I'll say that!

Then I think about myself when I'm in the role of the customer. Do I annoy and/or frustrate those who are waiting on me? Do I ask the same question that the last 50 people have asked and it's way old? Do I present an attitude that tells that person I know better how to do their job? Hmmmmmm....I think I need to be a little more patient 'cause I'm pretty sure I've done the very things that bother me. What's new, though?!? Smile.

15 Days

In 15 days R. will sit for the Bar Exam. He has been so very diligent to study, putting in 10 or 12 hours every day. I'm soooooooooo proud of him. Please keep him in prayer the next couple weeks as the 3-day exam approaches. Please pray he'll finish strong and pass with flying colors!!
You're almost there, Baby!!!!

Merciful Struggle.....

R. and I have been taking a break from church the past few weeks; taking time to heal. We had a really bad experience a few months ago involving false doctrine. We felt betrayed by the whole ordeal and the wounds aren't totally healed. As a result we're finding it hard to move on and trust again. So we're taking some time for that.

Recently I talked to a friend about our experience and she told me that I need to ask the Lord why I've had so many negative and hurtful church experiences. I don't think I've ever really contemplated that it might have a purpose. It happened and that was that. But, I've started to ask God to show me what He wants to teach me through it.

This passage from Psalms ministered to me and opened up an avenue of contemplation about the 'why' of it all. "I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight." Psalm 119:75-77

What if God allowed, or let's say even caused, these hurts and disappointments and betrayals? And if so, why would He allow or cause these things? Perhaps these struggles are necessary to drive me to God. Maybe if life was absent these struggles I would live my life without Him, thinking I don't need Him.

In his book 'The Journey of Desire', John Eldredge writes, "living apart from God comes naturally. God must take away the heaven we create, or it will become our hell....I realized that the real issue is this: I haven't wanted to be an eternal person. I've wanted to find life here somehow." I think this is true of me as well. I have an expectation for present happiness and satisfaction. Possibly this is the way I have approached church also. Maybe I'm looking to have a need met through church that only God can meet through Himself. Thus I'm crushed when those needs are left unmet.

There's much more to learn, I'm sure, but it's a start. Please pray the Lord will heal those wounded places in me. In the coming weeks we plan to begin the search for a church to call our own. Quite honestly I'm petrified to start again. I fear more hurt and disappointment, yet I know that I need to belong with a body of believers.

Anticipating the Unknown

R. received a GLOWING recommendation today from one of his professors for a job opening. I'm so proud of him and all his hard work. I find myself wondering what the next step is for us. Where R. will get a job, where we'll be living, if we'll remain here or move on somewhere else. The anticipation of...it...is kind of overwhelming at times, and yet there's the deep abiding peace that God knows and will open the right door for us. It's an exciting time! Now more than any other time in my life, the thought of all that will happen between now and this time next year is HUGE. Life is an adventure! Yahoo!

Seven

Seven months of marriage! I can't believe how quickly the time flies by. Marriage is wonderful! I'm so very thankful for my sweet husband! I recall those times when I would see others getting married and wonder if there was someone out there for me, someone wonderful and amazing. R. exceeds all my hopes, dreams, and desires. If I had known what kind of man God had for me, perhaps I would have prayed with more faith and less anxiety! Thank you, Lord, for my husband!!!! Thank you, R. for being a man of God and for loving me well! I love you, sweetheart!!!!!!!

Houseguest

R. and I were in the guest bedroom last night hanging out. I was sorting pictures on the computer while R. chilled for a bit. There we were, minding our own business, thinking we were the only ones there. For some reason I looked up and low and behold, an intruder. We have a gecko! Living in our house...somewhere. He never moved all the while we were in the guest room, but this morning he was nowhere to be found. We're calling him "Skinny". R. came up with that one. It's better than a cockroach, though it is rather startling to think he could reappear at any moment and take us by surprise. The south is a strange new land, but the creatures don't seem too dangerous!

Bar Projects

Not the drinking kind of Bar, but the exam kind of Bar. While R. studies...all the time...(Smile, he's so diligent!) I've been keeping myself occupied with a few projects around the house. I have to say I'm quite proud of myself. I don't really know what I'm doing, but somehow the projects are turning out quite nicely. Our living room is looking classy!! Check out the before and after pictures! Sweet!

Before...

Finished Product

Sweet Action!!!

Relationship Status: TAKEN

I'm so beyond excited!!! My sweet sister has a sweet boyfriend!!! It all happened rather out of the blue. Just goes to show that tomorrow or today could bring the answer to what we've been praying and hoping for. It's a good reminder to trust that God is working on our behalf even when we don't see Him.

I'm proud of you, Sis! I'm proud that you've never dated before but have waited for God to orchestrate something for you! Thanks for being faithful! You rock.

Papa Roach

I think that's the name of a music band. Well, I met Papa Roach last night. Not the music band. He was quite eager to meet me, too! It was going on 10 o'clock. I went upstairs to get ready for bed and as I walked into the bathroom something jumped at me from the wall above the mirror. That something was the biggest cockroach I have ever seen! Yuck! I jumped and raced out of the room to yell for R. He came upstairs and went into the bathroom. "Oh my gOSH...thump, thump. Yuck." Dead Papa Roach. I promptly announced that we would have to move...north!

Needless to say, bedtime was out of the question after that little fiasco! My heart was still beating hard so I stayed up reading a bit longer until I calmed down. Things are not supposed to fly at you from the bathroom wall. It's not natural! And cockroaches are not supposed to be 3 to 4 inches long. That's not natural either! Yuck!

In spite of my adventure I managed to get a good night's sleep. Though I did check the walls in the bathroom this morning. It's wild down here! Smile.

Praise the Lord!

Well, Grandpa had his surgery on Friday and has already been released from the hospital! God is faithful! We weren't ready to let him go yet! He and Grandma are convalescing in the nursing home until Grandpa is fully recovered and they can return to their apartment. Thank you for all your prayers on his and our behalf! Blessings and Love!

Bible Study

I've been attending this Bible study at work for married women. We're studying the book "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. Pearl is pretty blunt about how we women have usurped the role God has give to our husbands and have tried to control instead of submitting to his leadership. It's been convicting and exciting as I've watched the Lord soften my heart. I've learned that submission is really about trust. Do I trust R. to care about me and to make wise decisions? Do I trust God to care for me even when R. makes mistakes? Trust has always been something I've struggled with and letting R. be the man has been huge in teaching me how to trust. And I have so much more peace in my heart when I'm not trying to control. I can't believe how much it's made me relax! I'm so thankful to be learning this in the early stage of my marriage rather than years down the road. God is faithful and He is certainly the one who changes our hearts. And it's great to watch Him do it!!!!

A Prayer Request

I'm requesting prayer from all of you for my Grandpa. He's been having some health troubles that have caused him to pass out a couple times in the last week. The doctor's think it's heart related and have been running some tests to determine what needs to be done. Please pray for his healing and for encouragement for him. Also, please lift up my parents as they deal with this as well as my Dad's injured shoulder and resulting unemployment. It's a lot right now.

On a happier note, I have to say how thankful I am for my sweet husband. He brought a cheesecake to the office for me and all my co-workers just as a pick me up for the stress at work and in our personal lives. Sometimes I can't believe how very blessed I am by the man God has given me. He's so thoughtful and considerate. I'm a blessed woman, indeed! Thank you, sweet love!!!!!

Job Woes

The past couple weeks work has been kind of a bummer. A co-worker returned after maternity leave and the dynamics changed. What I thought was a blossoming friendship with another co-worker has wilted before coming to bloom. "They" have become exclusive again and my partner A. and I feel like we're on the outside. Then there's the bosses. Can I say roller-coaster? It's impossible to tell from one moment to the next whether they'll be up, down, or something else. Stressed usually describes them, it's just a question of what that will look like to the rest of us.

Now don't get me wrong. I have some INCREDIBLE co-workers. It's just that lately some of those I have to work with directly are really a pain, or taking their stress out on A. and me. Needless to say, I'm wrestling with my attitude. I simply don't want to be here anymore and yet I don't have a choice at this point. That's the hardest part...not having a choice and feeling stuck.

Please pray that the Lord will help me to rise above the petty attitudes and mood swings. I really want to do my job well and to finish strong and not have things peeter out as my time here comes to a close. It's temporary (though I don't know when it will end), so I want to remain joyful in spite of the frustrations. Thanks!

It's all about me....

I think I'm starting to realize that I'm always going to encounter people who think they're better than me, or smarter than me, or cooler than me, or more mature than me. And that condescending attitude is annoying. However, it's not likely to change, so it's up to me to change. I'm letting other people control me when I react to their attitude and actions. Of course, now, knowing this and learning not to let them bother me are two very different things. But, I guess instead of focusing on what other people do that I have no control over, I can turn my attention instead to my response to them which I can control. Almost sounds like mind over matter.... Smile. Well, Happy Friday everyone!

Forever Young

I'm told that one day I will come to appreciate the fact that I look young for my age, but I have yet to see the benefits. (I should apologize for the fact that this will most likely be nothing more than a vent. ARGH!) I'm so tired of being treated as if I don't know what I'm doing simply because I look young!!!!!!! I'm frustrated with the condescending tone, the furtive glances looking for someone else to assist them, being questioned when I tell someone the procedure, told how to do something I've done a thousand times. What is it that makes people act this way? It takes twice as much effort trying to prove my competence rather than just being competent. I'm sure I should probably learn to just let it go, but it's hard when it happens repeatedly. Does anybody else feel this way????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

For the birds

I arrived to work this morning to the sound of all sorts of birds echoing across the parking lot. The funny thing is, it's an electronic bird sound. No, it's not meant for pleasure or even ambiance, it's to scare away the gackles. Birds fly south, right? And they have to go somewhere, right? Well, they picked Texas. They flock everywhere and leave their evidence on cars and anything else that happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. So, they put in an electric bird sound to scare them off. One bird sounds very much like a falcon out of a creepy movie. All authentic, mind you. Smile.

All things considered, though, I've come to love this hot place. I never thought I'd enjoy Texas, let alone come to love it, but I do. I love the heat that wraps around me like a cozy blanket, the humidity that refreshes my skin like a soothing cloth, the homey sound of crickets chirping (as long as they're outside), the trees with branches reaching to the ground and spread wide. I love the rumble of thunder and the lightning that rips across the sky and the sound of the rain beating on the roof. I love it. And I love that I share this home in this place with my sweet husband. The Lord has blessed me greatly and I feel content.