Back to square one...

Well, R. heard from the firm this week and they've selected another candidate. I'm a little disappointed only because it's hard not know or be able to make any plans. So, we're looking again, but I'm confident that God has something better. We were praying last night that the Lord would place R. in a job that he will find fulfilling and not just in a job that pays the bills. I'm praying the Lord will open up something in his area of interest. God knows and He is always faithful!!!
Blessings, everyone!

Six months of happily married after!

Yay! We have been married now for six months! I just have to say, marriage is certainly a gift! Here are some wedding pictures if you'd like to take a look. We had the BEST photographer ever! Thanks, Ed!

Memorable Monday

This is the first Memorial Day I have worked in my entire life. It feels kind of weird. I've answered no more than two phone calls today and the ride to work was completely void of traffic. Thankfully there's plenty to catch up on!!

Unfortunately, I'm incredibly distracted lately. This week we hope to hear if Robert will be called for a second interview for an attorney position. I can hardly stand the wait!! I'm excited to know what's coming around the corner and to be able to apply to school and get prepared to move. Transition is a weird thing. It leaves one in a state of nothing, almost. I can't be completely here because I'm thinking about the next step...only we don't yet know what the next step is.

Well, I'm rambling so I should go. Please pray the Lord will open the door HE has for us and we will know His will clearly.
Blessings to you my dear friends and family!

Shall I keep counting?

So, tomorrow I turn 27. Now I don't know about you, but I typically contemplate an age and wonder what it will be like when I'm...fill in the blank. I neglected to do that this time. Perhaps the year was too busy and full or maybe the thought of the downhill ride to 30 was too scary, but I haven't thought about what it will be like to be 27. Of course, this means nothing in the scheme of things. Maturity is far more than digits. But it is a little unnerving, nonetheless.

It's unnerving that many of my struggles are the same ones I had 10 years ago. It's wild and crazy that I'm married now. My first married birthday. And that I'm living in Texas. And not only living in Texas but genuinely liking it. I love that it's summer almost the entire year.

With each new birthday I wonder what will happen in the year to come. I'm sure this one will hold many surprises. I'm excited. God is still the faithful God Who walked me through to here. My prayer is that this year will hold an intimacy with the Lord greater than I have ever known. I yearn for that and it seems so elusive at times. But I know the Lord desires that as well and so it will be.

I heard a song this morning by my current favorite group, 'Over the Rhine'. A line was "it gets harder as we believe". Something to contemplate, surely. Something about this statement resounds inside of me. Is it because the nature of belief explores the nuances of doubt? And so belief stands in the face of that doubt. Yeah. I'll have to think about that some more. Any thoughts?

What's Next?

So...a little update for those of you that I haven't talked to in awhile! My sweet love graduated from law school the end of April! Hallelujah! I'm so very proud of him! He has crossed a huge hurdle!!!! Yippy!!! Now he's preparing for the bar and applying for jobs all over Texas.

We're both excited and a little nervous about what the next step will be. Will we need to move, will R. be able to practice the kind of law he's passionate about, where will I go to school, when will all this happen? Part of me doesn't want to move at all. Just the thought of packing is a huge deterrent. Yet it's exciting to think about an adventure to a new place. All in all, I'm just thankful to be on this journey with R. I couldn't be more blessed by my husband. He's incredible!

Please keep us in prayer as we seek the Lord for what He has next. Thursday is the first interview. May the Lord make known His will.
Blessings!!!

Happy Birthday, My Love.

Today my sweet husband celebrates 28 years of living!!! How thankful I am to be a part of his life. God has been good to us. There was a time when it looked impossible for us to be together and yet God worked His miracle in our hearts and here we are!
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! You're my prince and I'm so very thankful for you! I love you, Baby!

It's a new day...

and the sun is shining. I'm thankful for new perspective. For the reminders that we as humans are all in the same boat and we all struggle to some degree to be vulnerable and nourish intimacy. I'm thankful for caring friends, parents, sister, and my sweet husband. Though at times the sun is hidden by the clouds, I'm thankful to know that the sun still shines and God is faithful. Life can be hard and emotions seem overpowering, but God is faithful and He remains consistent when I'm not, when life isn't.

It's a new day and I realize that I'm gonna be okay. And somehow the Lord will use this time of struggle for His purpose. I have to believe that; that pain isn't arbitrary.

I think of Abraham and how he must have felt to be called to leave all he knew, everything that was familiar to go...somewhere. God knew, but was't telling. We're all Abrahams. God has called us to go...somewhere. I think I forget in the midst of it that God really does know where we're going. He's not guessing where He is taking us.

Trust. I'm not very good at that, but then I think that's okay. God still loves me and I'm reminded that there's a lot of people who love me too. Hmmmmmm....

Maybe Texas is not the problem

I'm battling feelings of loneliness again today; feelings of isolation and desperation for intimacy. I've thought up all sorts of reasons why it has been so hard to find close friends here in Texas; the culture is different in the south, I'm married now, people are too busy, etc, etc.

But maybe the problem is with me. Not that people don't like me or anything like that, but maybe it is caused, at least in part, by my deep-seated struggle with intimacy. I'm reaching this conclusion because if I'm honest the struggle isn't new to me. I've wrestled with it to some degree my entire life. Could it be that the issue is greater than just a lack of friends? Perhaps it is that even when I do have friends I only let them in just so far, so that even if I'm surrounded by friends I still feel lonely. And it's because I haven't come out of my shell or the fortress surrounding my heart. Perhaps......

This scares me. It scares me to think that I could be driving people away unconsciously simply by not opening up. Yet it scares me even more to think about opening up...all those vulnerable places in me, the weaknesses, the insecurities, the fears.

Help? Lord, please help? Please help me to come out of my hiding! Please help! I'm so alone and so desperate to change that. Please change me!!!! I need YOU!

Pink Roses

Wow! My sweet husband got me 2 dozen pink roses...just because. I feel like a princess! Lord, thank you for blessing me with such a thoughtful man! Thank you, sweetie!!!!!

Happy Birthday Little Sis!!

Today my sweet sister turns 23!! Wow! It's incredible to think that at one time all we did was fight and argue. In fact, I can't help but chuckle thinking about riding in our little, white Saab, fighting over the backseat. "Move over! You're on my side. Stop it!" That armrest certainly wasn't big enough for the two of us! Smile. Or arguing over where the refrigerator magnets should be placed. Good grief!

But, eventually she saw it all my way and everything worked ou....ahem....I mean, eventually we agreed to disagree when necessary, learned to value each other's thoughts and opinions, and actually became friends. In fact, we're the best of friends now and I'm so thankful to have such a compassionate, caring, truth-loving sister.

Happy Birthday, Sis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inadequate.....

It's a good day, at least there's no reason for it not to be. Yet I feel on the verge of tears. I'm sure it's a combination of a busy week and the impending visit from Aunt Flow. But I feel blue today.....

Blue and inadequate. I feel like I'm only succeeding professionally, while failing miserably personally. I feel inadequate as a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter. It seems as if all the progress I made at college with learning to be vulnerable has been lost and I'm living again in my shell. At the office that's all that's required, friendliness and a good attitude. No problem.

I feel like I'm just complaining, but sometimes I get so lonely for my girlfriends. Then I feel insecure about having such a hard time finding close friends here who have time for me. Time. I'm afraid of being rejected when I try to reach out to someone because everyone is so busy. So then I don't reach out, or I wait until I'm feeling desperate and then worry that I'll just scare someone off.

I guess it's one of those days. I'm glad it's Friday.

Mush!!!

To some mush means GO! But right now, it simply describes the state of my brain. I've started talking to myself this week. I know a few of you will be surprised that's a new thing, but it is. Isn't it? Yes.

Work has been crazy! I can't seem to keep track of what I'm doing from one phone call to the next! And I'm loving it! I love the challenge of it and the new challenges it brings. However, the reason I'm so busy is that I'm helping to cover for a co-worker who's mother is in ICU. Please pray for J's mom and the family. Things don't look good and it's very much out of the blue. One minute she was fine and the next she's incoherent in a hospital bed. Life is like that sometimes.... Please join me in praying for them.

Tonight R. and I will go to a dinner together where he is speaking to a group of highschool students. I'm so proud of him and his heart for kids, especially those who haven't always had it easy.

Blessings to ya'll! Yes...I've conformed.

With one lone flashlight.....

A couple weeks ago I was reading in my favorite magazine, Real Simple, about the need to be prepared for unexpected events like a natural disaster. Yes, I agreed, that's a good idea, I should do that. Yes, well, there's no time like the present...

Friday night brings a grumbling awakening, thunder that is, and lightning that doesn't know when to stop. God must need to replace a lightbulb 'cause the whole sky flickered constantly for over an hour. And of course our lightbulbs stopped flickering period. At some point R. decides to find the batteries for the radio so we can find out what's going on. After repeated effors to put the batteries in in the dark, we tune in to hear that severe thunderstorms are coming our way. Really? I'm sure glad we got a radio signal! R. manages to track down our one and only flashlight, so we're set. We watch the storm for awhile and wonder if we should go downstairs and camp out in the bathroom. We decide to ride it out in the comfort of our bed.

Saturday morning brings sunshine, but no electricity. That means no morning coffee and no laundry day. Bummer. So, off to Starbucks. On the way it becomes apparent that we were experiencing more than a little thunderstorm. Garage doors ripped from a warehouse down the street, trees uprooted, the roof removed from the carwash, and Starbucks seems to be the only place open in the Texas Central Marketplace. The faithful few. I'm still feeling bummed about not having electricity, but thankful that our home is still intact. Word has it we were hit with an F2 tornado.

Saturday night and still no electricity. Off to bed with our trusty flashlight and hope that tomorrow will bring.....

Sunday morning and still no electricity. MacDonalds breakfast and then it's Starbucks again. We hang out and read for awhile. The airconditioning is running full blast so we decide to go home and thaw out. We have lights! I've never been so thankful for electricity before! It's a beautiful thing! We made it, even with just one lone flashlight.

Never say never....

If you'd asked me a year or even a month ago if I would ever have a blog, the answer would have been decidedly no. But, I should know better than to say never because it seems I often find myself doing what I said would never be done. So here I am with my very own blog. I'm not sure what I'll say (some of you laugh) but I'm sure I'll manage to come up with something. Happy Friday....to anyone who may read this!
Blessings!