I finally have my cake and eat it too!

R. got me a computer program called CAKEWALK for our first married Christmas...in 2005. Initially we found out my computer didn't have enough space. So we got it some more. Then we realized that if I was going to record music and put it on a CD that I should have a burner. So we got it a burner. Then we realized it still didn't work...no sound would come out at all. For my birthday R. talked with a guy who uses this program and come to find out we had the wrong MIDI machine. So, R. got me a different one. But then I've been too intimidated to use it! Each time I'd open up the program to give it a try, I would see all of the buttons and options and simply close it out with frustration. Where to begin? But today I finally did it!!! I recorded one of my own songs using my keyboard and the computer!!!!! I still have a long way to go as far as figuring out how it all works and putting multiple tracks together, but I've jumped a huge hurdle in just sitting down to use it!!! I must say that I feel proud of myself! I actually did it!!!!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

I read this verse today that really spells out the contrast between the phony and genuine lovers of God that I mentioned in my last post. 2 Corinthians 2:17 (NRSV) says "For we are not peddlers of God's word like so many; but in Christ we speak as persons of sincerity, as persons sent from God and standing in His presence." That's it!! That's the person I want to be! One that speaks with sincerity as standing in the very presence of the Lord! To live from that place of fellowship with God. That's what I'm talkin' about!

In the past couple days God has really been faithful to answer prayer and to give me a heart to pray. After hearing a sermon a few weeks ago by the pastor who married us, I have been reminded of the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives as Christians. I had been completely neglecting the gifts He has given me and the power that comes from Him!!! In the sermon I mentioned he spoke on 1 Cor. 14. In this chapter Paul calls us to strive for spiritual gifts. He then goes on to write specifically about praying in the spirit and prophecy. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten about praying in the spirit and this sermon reminded me of how important that is and the priviledge we have to communicate with God in this way! This feels like a fresh start toward getting back to the place of love for the Lord that I've been missing.

All glory to Jesus for His indescribable gifts and His faithfulness...moment by moment.

First Love

How does one regain the passion and zeal for the Lord of years past? This has been my question lately as I have realized that my love for the Lord doesn't have the fervor it once did. I still love the Lord and desire to follow Him, but He feels incredibly distant and has for awhile.

One of the biggest dilemmas I find is that I dislike much of what the organized church has become and I don't want to associate myself with that image. As a result, I find myself in conflict over what is a true and a genuine representation of living for the Lord, and what is simply playing church. Church in general has become so cliche'. Jesus was real and genuine. Somewhere we've gotten off track. So how do we take hold of the truths of Scripture for all of their depth and power and truth, in spite of the fact that so many of these truths have been diminished by the flippant and off-handed use of them? I guess what it boils down to for me is separating the religion from my relationship with God. I hate religion and nothing seems more irrelevant to me and to the culture we live in than religion.

How do I take hold of the truth of Who God is, when so many that claim to speak for Him misrepresent Him? It's hard to make this separation! I want to be alive with passion for God and for His will!! But I want that to be more than saying the right things, going to church, singing in the choir, following a list of dos and don'ts! I don't want to be part of a club! I want a living and vibrant relationship with God!!! What does that look like and how do I get there?

Time for a Change

I've decided that I am a short hair kind of gal. Long hair is first of all way too much work. It is secondly far too hot for the state of Texas. And lastly, believe it or not, it's just too heavy to carry around on this long neck. So after being inspired by conversation with my sister, I decided to get my hair cut today. She did too, by the way! Smile!! Yippy!!! I feel cute again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grateful

Yesterday a good friend put up two ceiling fans in our apartment. I'm so incredibly grateful!!! Our place is already much more comfortable and last night we had the air-conditioning up 5 degrees warmer and we slept great! Thank goodness for people with talents different from mine who can do those things I can't!! Thank goodness for lower electric bills!!! I'm claiming it in advance!!!!!!

Domestic Goddess

It's been awhile since I wrote anything on this blog. A lot has been going on, but I think the reason I haven't written is that I didn't have anything ready to say. All sorts of thoughts have been swirling around in my head, but none were ready to come out.

Summer is here in the grand state of Texas and it's already pretty HOT! I think I notice it more this year for two reasons. One, I'm not freezing my butt of in a refrigerated office, and two, I'm out in the great outdoors more frequently to take the dogs out. Needless to say, it's HOT and it's great and I'm glad to be here.

The dogs are wonderful. I think R. and I have finally adjusted to having them. Now I'm less paranoid and more just enjoying their cute little personalities and their company. And we're so glad we got both of them! Chewie is my little shadow. He follows me every time I leave the room. Chica is our little princess and always has an ecstatic greeting whenever we come home. We're glad to be doggy parents...now that the initial transition is past! Smile.

Personally I think it's safe to say that I'm in limbo. Every time I think I know what's next I realize that I'm not really sure. I certainly know that I want to sing and to sing my own songs! I wrote a new song for R. for his birthday and have been working on another one the last couple weeks. It's all about baby steps and one at a time at that. I've decided to start participating in our church choir this summer. Because summers are so busy and so many people travel, they're not having choir practice so it's a good time for me to get my feet wet without having such a big time commitment. I'm still thinking about school. I'd like to finish my BA even if it's just for the sake of having a degree. And I'm leaning more and more away from music when it comes to my degree. I know I don't want to study any more classical music and for a BA that's all that's really offered around here. So...limbo...I'm not sure where that leaves me.

OH, about the Domestic Goddess. That's me! I have a new title!! It's been a bit of a quandry lately to know what to tell people I meet when they ask me what I do. So thanks to one of Robert's co-workers, I've stolen his phrase and am using it for myself. I think it will come in handy. Our culture is so obsessed with what we do that the question comes up frequently.

So, there's an update of sorts. Overall, life is good. There's a contentment and quietness to this time even in the face of the questions and the unknown. And it's summer. For the first time in a long time I get to experience summer vacation! Alright!!!