School House Rock!!!

I wrote a week or so ago that I was experiencing a bit of a dilemma regarding the completion of my degree. So much hinged on responses outside my control. Well, as always, the Lord has been faithful to make a way for me once again! I received news on Friday that I've been granted an extension to complete my degree, giving me 4 semesters instead of just 3, and they will accept credits from the local community college which makes it much more financially feasible!!! I still feel kinda shocked as if this can't really be happening, but it's becoming more and more real. I'm going back to school!!!!!!!! Yippy!!!!! God is so faithful!!

Blessed..........

Yesterday R. and I celebrated eleven months of marriage! And I’m so thankful. I’m thankful for a husband I can respect, who’s filled with wisdom, and is sensitive to the needs of others, who’s not afraid to speak the truth and stand up for what he believes, who loves me unconditionally. I’m thankful for the deepening love in our relationship. I’m thankful to be married to you, sweetheart! Thank you for being who you are!!

From not Toward

Our Sunday School teacher asked our class whether we "felt" married when we first wed. He then told us that even if we didn't feel married, the reality was that we were married and thus we work from that reality and no longer toward it as we did when we were but engaged. He proceeded to tell us that this is true in our walk with the Lord as well. Scripture often speaks in the past tense when relating our relationship with God. Saved, redeemed, the old has passed away. Once His initial work of redemption has taken place in our hearts and we are "born again" or "saved", then we aren't walking toward this state of salvation, but His salvation becomes the source from which we walk.

From, not toward.... No longer reaching, but walking in the reality of this truth. And oh how I need to understand this reality. I seem to be in a constant state of striving. I may grasp and believe in God's love for me, but I'm certain I don't understand it as it really is because I still find myself working to keep it.

The same is true with human relationships. Even in marriage, when I know without a doubt that R. loves me intensely, I still live as though his love is dependent upon my behavior. Living as if I could lose his love if I "mess up" enough. Living in fear.....

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John) Oh to submit my heart to this reality and to know this truth in all its fullness. To grasp God's heart toward me and the depth of His great love. Jesus, here is my heart.

Music Muse

As the end of the year approaches I have turned my attention to finishing my music degree. First things first, I applied to the school at which I am currently employed. I sent off for my college transcripts and upon their arrival, I excitedly presented them to the admissions counselor. Her words to me, however, quickly brought to my attention that this would not be a smooth process. Because Prairie is accredited only as a Bible College, they would not accept ANY credits for transfer. Not half, not some, but NONE. I was expecting that transferring credits would put me back a little, realizing they probably would only give partial credit, but I was completely shocked to hear that none of my hard work would be acknowledged.

And so began the search for options. Here a little background is appropriate. Soon after I moved to Texas and left Prairie behind, they completely revamped their degree programs, eliminating the degree program I had begun. Now for my options. If I choose to complete the degree I started through Prairie, I may do so, as long as I finish it by June of 2008. This sounds like a ways off, until one stops to calculate that this would mean completing 66 music credits in a year and a half, including an internship. So the search continues, comparing the current revamped degree to the old one to see what's different between the two, thinking perhaps I should just switch majors. Upon further review, however, I discover that changing majors would signal the end of music classes because my degree was revamped to the extent that it hardly bears resemblence to a music degree at all. Nope, that won't work. And I'm really not okay with nearly killing myself to complete my degree in such a short time, especially so early on in our marriage when we're still free of the responsibility of children.

At this point, then, it seems my options are shrinking rapidly. I'm still hopeful that something will work out for I know that the Lord knew about these circumstances ahead of time. However, that something still eludes me. Please pray for guidance. That my heart and motivations will be pure before the Lord, that even the seeking to finish my degree would not arise from my own pride, but will arise from an understanding of what the Lord has called me to with music.

Prayer in the Waiting Room

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Rainy Monday

On the weekends it seems somehow easier to remain positive and hopefull about the next step for us and the opportunity for an attorney job for R. But then Monday morning comes around, and a rainy Monday at that, and I feel the reality of another week in the same old job doing the same old thing all over again. It's frustrating! I know in my heart that this time won't be forever. And I know that this time of waiting has been good for us; we've learned so much and drawn closer to the Lord. But even in the face of this knowledge I get discouraged about not seeing any answers in sight. When, Lord? How much longer do we have to wait?

Open Mic Night!

So...as I mentioned, Friday night was my musical debut here in Texas! And it went great! A number of friends turned out to support me. All in all there were probably about 25 to 30 people at the coffee house (about 10 were friends). I sang first and did 3 songs that I've written new this year. I started my first song and a few people I didn't know changed seats to be closer to where I was. Then when I sang my second song, the whole place went completely silent and everyone stopped what they were doing to listen. It was so humbling to have such a response!! For years friends and family and especially R. have been telling me that my songs are good and that I need to get out there, but I think deep down I really thought that they only felt that way because they care about me and so they're biased in their opinions. But on Friday night I realized that there truly is potential for me to perform and perhaps even become a recording artist as I've always dreamed. We'll see what happens next and where God leads us. Whatever happens I'm blessed by how well it went and for the affirmation I received from those who came to listen.
Thank you, sweetheart, for encouraging me to go for it!!!! You're my hero!!!!

Where's Raldo?

He's out promoting me and tonight's coffee house!! I'm actually taking the plunge and getting out there with my music! Tonight! The Java Hut! 8pm! Three new songs! Yay!!!!!

Lord have mercy......

I just don’t understand…..why would anyone to into a school and shoot up a bunch of girls? Why? What drives someone to do that? To look right at them and pull the trigger? And not once, but multiple times? I just don’t get it. Senseless brutality.

R. and I have been discussing the recent wave of evil we’ve seen in the media. The real life kind aside, it’s all over the movies and the tv series’. A couple weekends ago we went to the movies to watch a PG-13 movie. In the previews there were THREE horror movie trailers for our viewing. I couldn’t watch, but just hearing them was enough to trail bad images through my mind and left me feeling violated. Then, we’ve recently started watching ‘Jericho’, a new tv series. It’s been clean so far, but we have to change channels just to avoid the graphic contents of previews for CSI and other shows that I recall liking at one time. What’s the deal? Why are we so obsessed with violence and downright evil? What about it draws our attention and interest?

A friend and I were discussing the devil and how hard it is to imagine him as an actual being, likely because of the caricatures of him running around in a red suit holding a pitchfork. But it takes no imagination to believe that he does exist when looking at the evidence of his handiwork in the evil surrounding and inundating us.

I think of the Scripture in Matthew that talks about the increase of wickedness causing the love of most to grow cold. The love of MOST. That means I’m not immune to it. I can’t get cocky and think that could never happen to me. It makes me realize even more how very dependant I am and must be on the Lord to keep me. I don’t want to get to the place where this evil is just taken in stride; to a place where my heart is hardened to its horror. Keep my heart soft, Jesus. Please keep my eyes on You; seeking You more, knowing You in a deeper way. Lord have mercy……….